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Sweet six-year-old Sacha lamented, "I don't want to be bossed around so much," when I asked her how she felt about returning to school. Normally quiet nine-year-old Alec stood up, hands over his ears, shouting, "I hate homework!" in our recent counseling session. Read More
Such Excitement
Wow, I remember always being eager to begin a new school year. I'm pretty sure my friends felt the same. My first day of high school (grade nine) was more depressing and anxiety-producing, but elementary school was fabulous!
Good tips to help the children - and adults! - cope with anxiety.
Times Have Changed
Thanks for the supportive feedback re the Tips.
Times really have changed. I've seen perfectly happy and calm kids fall apart after a few weeks in the structure of the school environment. The pressure is tremendous. There's so much more information out there and teachers are required to teach more and more. Then there's the after school classes: art, music, sports, etc. that take away from just hanging-out and doing nothing time. Parents are often trying to make up for the lack of funding in schools that no longer can offer these activities. And many families need both parents to work or are working single parent homes - to keep up with rising costs kids are often placed in after school homework clubs or programs and have a very long day. Hopefully with some of these imagination tools and others (see my website and book) they can create a more peaceful internal environment.
School Trauma
I have to respond to the idea of encouraging a child to go to his/her "special place" to deal with the pressures of the school environment.
Are we really asking our kids to learn to dissociate -- a common psychological self-defense mechanism seen in abused children -- from their everyday environment?
Maybe there is something wrong with the school environment if it causes that level of distress.
Back to School-itis
I so agree! I think we need to look at the schools and see why they are making our children expierience such high levels of distress. My kids are falling apart during the happiest times of their lives.
Special Place - A first "quiet" stop to face life's challenges
Sheila,
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
My experience with children having a "special place" is in using internal calm as one step in navigating the challenges of life. Not to run away or dissociate, but to have a safe internal space to face what's in front of them. The idea is to calm yourself down, imagine a peaceful place, and then be able to access inner resources (which seem to fly out the window when we're stressed) to figure out what to do. Sometimes when kids are under pressure - and many really are in school - to learn quickly, get good grades, have lots of friends - you do need to take some deep breaths and calm yourself to even think things out clearly.
Our schools are trying to do the best they can, but each child is unique and many have different needs. We might not be able to change the school, but we can teach our children skills to cope and thrive in the environments they find themselves.
school pressure
Thanks for the reply. I can see what you mean about calming down enough to access your inner resources so you can effectively work with whatever is going on. It's a skill I could practice more myself!
I do think, however, that an environment that pressures kids to "learn quickly, get good grades, have lots of friends" is not the healthiest environment for most kids.
As you may have guessed, we moved to homeschooling for our family 4 years ago, so we are lucky to have been able to create a "school" that does meet unique needs. I just wish more kids could get that.
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