The Polyamorists Next Door

Exploring the world of consensual non-monogamy

Divorce Among the Polyamorists

Polyamorists have a variety of interactions with divorce. Sometimes people who have had problems with monogamy in the past get divorced and then become poly. Others say that polyamory saves their marriages from divorce, and still others get divorced and stay together in a poly relationship. For some who try polyamory and have negative experiences, it can lead to divorce. Read More

it's a contradiction

discussing "divorce" among polyamorists is a bit ridiculous.

When your "marriage" consists of a shared kitchen and banging all and sundry it is no marriage, it's a financial legal entity.

I know that for shrinks looking to make a buck every kind of depravity is an opportunity and to be encouraged, but has any marriage ever been saved by telling your partner "you are insufficient, I need to swap fluids with more people to be happy"

Yes, they are marriages

Hi Diogenes,

You've got it wrong on three counts.

1. I am not a psychiatrist, but a sociologist. Even among shrinks, most (sadly, not all) are far more concerned about helping people than making a buck.

2. Some polys are married in every sense of the word -- emotional intimacy, financial entanglement, sexual interactions, and especially being there for each other in hard times.

3. It is not depravity or a signal that the parter is not enough. Polyamory is based on love, and poly folks spend a lot more time communicating about their feelings than they do swapping body fluids. In fact, most have rather extensive safer sex protocols and swapping fluids with someone does not happen until there is a significant emotional commitment and many rounds of testing for STIs. Poly is not a signal of insufficiency on the part of the partner (though I certainly felt that way when my partner brought it up and it took me years to understand where he was coming from) but a capacity to love multiple people at the same time.

If you keep reading the blog, you will find many of these ideas explained in greater depth.

Thanks for reading and commenting!


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Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D., is an expert on polyamory and sexual-minority families with children.


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