In this forthcoming series, we’ll be exploring what we can learn about sex from various celebrities – whether they ever intended to be sex ed teachers or not. This week’s celebrity sexpert? Tiger Woods. Clearly, Tiger and his family have been through quite an ordeal and this post isn't to minimize or mock their very painful experiences. Rather it's to ask, what can we learn from the fiasco that was his sex life uncovered?
- Be honest. If you’re not into monogamy, that’s okay. Just don’t enter into a relationship or a marriage that is built around monogamy if that's not what you want. Either stay single or partner with/marry someone who loves and accepts you for who you are – partners on the side, and all. For tips on creating a satisfying open relationship or marriage, check out The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures.
- Tell your partner what you want. If the text messages that have surfaced are truly from Tiger (and I have no idea if they are or not), then he has a knack for telling his partners what he wants (e.g., threesomes, to treat someone rough, etc.). If you don’t ask, how can you expect to receive? Read the text messages here.
- Use a condom. If you believe reports by Us Weekly, he didn’t always use a condom nor did he necessarily ask whether his partners were using birth control. Tsk, tsk. Might there be little Tiger cubs out there somewhere? Please: talk to your partner about whether you want to be parents together and, if not, birth control methods that will work for you. If infection is a concern, use a condom. Condoms also make for highly effective methods of birth control.
- Switching from anal to oral is risky. Also according to the text messages, Tiger allegedly wanted to go from anal to oral with someone. This anal-oral switching potentially carries risks of various viruses, so not a great idea (fecal matter is not exactly clean stuff). If you want to try this safely, use a new condom for anal sex, then take it off afterwards, and make sure the penis is clean before you transition to oral. If you’re concerned about infection, use a new condom for anal and then another new condom for oral.
- Second chances are possible. In most relationships, people mess up. Usually not on such a grand scale, but people make mistakes. They flirt with an ex. They Facebook with a cute coworker. They chat with someone they shouldn’t. They forget to take out the garbage day after day after day. Sometimes people cheat. Other times they lie. But much of the time, these are just mistakes and people want to believe they can change. They may need your support as they try to change. It might take them time and it might require more compassion, forgiveness, and grace than you ever thought you could muster. But it might also be worth it.
Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH is a sexual health researcher at Indiana University, a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, and author of the book Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. Follow her on Twitter @mysexprofessor
