A while back, I wrote about how rigorous drug testing programs would need to become if professional sports was really serious about getting their athletes off the juice—but this is ridiculous.

Last week,  Belgian cyclist Kevin van Impe was at a crematorium dealing with the funeral arrangements for his day-old son’s death, when a drug tester showed up and demanded he pee in a cup.

And yes, you read that right.

According to an interview Impe gave with the BBC, the drug tester refused to come back later in the day. “It was either do it right on the spot or it would be taken as if I had refused,” said the cyclist.

In response, professional cyclists racing in the Paris-Nice and the Tirreno-Adriatico performed protests as a show of support and the Professional Cyclists Association released a statement saying, among other things, that racers had a right to have “their dignity respected.”

Uh-huh. Sure.

While professional cycling has been rife with cheating for over forty years (in the 1967 Tour de France, Tom Simpson died due to hearth failure brought on by heat, dehydration and amphetamines), and the sport’s governing bodies has been working overtime to clean up their image, if they’re really serious about getting their athletes off the juice this crematorium fiasco is a great example of what we have to look forward to.

That’s because, as I’ve explained in previous posts, there is no real way to test for the vast majority of the drugs that athletes are taking.

The only thing that will work is to begin taking baseline hormonal screens of athletes the minute they turn pro and then to institute a 1984-esque testing program in which demanding a cup of piss at a funeral would be par for the course.

This is the only way our sports will ever become close to clean and let’s be honest, does anyone think that a baseball player making 10 million for a season is going to sit quietly for this kind of abuse?

Or that the American—home of the brave, land of the free—public will tolerate it?