Judging people thoughtfully according to their personalities is a potentially ennobling endeavor, I have argued, when compared to judging others on the basis of their racial, ethnic, or religious backgrounds. When a person is "one of us" we judge personality; when a person is "one of them" we are far more inclined to lump the individual into a type or group and neglect his or her individuality.  So even if we don't like the judgment we receive, we might first give thanks that people are willing to judge us as individuals. The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, expressed his dream that:

...my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

But judging character is not so easy, and often can go awry. Judgments given also are judgments received: and the recipient does not always appreciate them. There exists an irreducible judginess to most evaluations of personality. Moreover, our judgments of others can be swayed, sometimes dramatically, by our values, culture, and religious teachings.

The 20th century therapist Carl Rogers urged psychotherapists to exercise unconditional positive regard: to hear the client's words and acts, and neither to approve or disapprove of them, but to maintain an attitude of acceptance. Rogers, I fear, set the bar so high as to be out of reach. I believe most psychologists engage in value judgments, albeit sophisticated, balanced ones, of their clients.

In fact, judging personality has been going on so long that it may be a fundamental part of human character extending back as far as ancient Greece, Babylonia, Egypt, and elsewhere - almost since the beginnings of recorded history.

So what does that say about the holidays - 2008 edition? Given the topics explored so far, I would say that judgments of personality, although potentially useful, require some considerable prudence.

To expand on this, consider what may at first appear to be an improbable analogy -- to football in the United States.

In US football, a team can advance the ball against its opponent by running the ball forward against the other team's defensive line, or by throwing the ball to a receiver on one's own team. Many football coaches prefer their teams to run the ball rather than to pass it (though fans like the excitement of passing). As Coach "Bear" Bryant put it:

Three things can happen when you pass the ball, and two of ‘em are bad.

When a quarterback throws the ball to a receiver, his teammate may catch it (good), or fail to catch it (bad), or the opposing team might intercept it (worse).

Like passing in football, passing judgment is a risky matter. True, one could say just the right thing to help someone (good), but it also is possible that the judgment might be incorrect, or poorly timed, and the "receiver" might miss it (or resent it). Other people who witness the interaction could even interpret the judgment as reflecting the mean-spirited nature of the judge, or even as an attempt to slander a person.

In most games, the quarterback does pass the ball at times - and that can advance his team. But passing -- be it passing the ball or passing judgments -- easily can go awry. So it makes sense to be prudent in passing judgments and very cautious in expressing them.

It is a privilege to be a player in the game.  If you are the one judged -- if the ball is passed to you -- even a negative judgment can contain an implicit acknowledgement of your worth: Someone who cares enough to judge your personality likely regards you as a member of the same team. 

I will continue to explore judgments after the holiday break. As this series continues, I will write more about how and why people proceed to make judgments, and when it might be useful to express them.

In the meantime, I wish you a happy holiday season!

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Notes on this Post: The quotes from the advice column are from Yoffe, E. (2008, Dec. 8, 5:48 PM). Holiday survival guide: Advice columnist Dear Prudence answers readers' Christmas conundrums. Slate. Downloaded Dec. 19, 2008 from: http://www.slate.com/id/2206320/pagenum/3. The tendency to better recognize the uniqueness of individuals in one's own group relative to other groups is reviewed in Tajfel, H. (1982). Social psychology of intergroup relations. Annual Review of Psychology, 33, 1-39. Contemporary research on the effect, including coverage of recent research on face recognition within one's own and other groups can be found in Hugenberg, K. & Sacco, D. F. (2008). Social categorization and stereotyping: How social categorization biases person perception and face memory. Social and Personality Compass, 2, 1052-1072. The quote, "Three things can happen when you pass the ball, and two of ‘em are bad" is variously attributed to many coaches. This particular version comes from Dunnavant, K. (2005). Coach. The life of Paul "Bear" Bryant (Revised and updated). New York: St. Martins Griffin (p. 270). See also, however, http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/three_thi... for more debate on who first uttered the words.

(c) Copyright 2008 John D. Mayer

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Tags: advice column, dear prudence, dr martin luther, dr martin luther king, endeavor, faiths, hiatus, holidays, judging others, judgmentalism, judgments, mother in law, personalities, personality, religious backgrounds, reverend dr