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David Mura’s classic essay is an absolute must read for anyone interested in how male sexuality interacts with pornography and other sexual addictions. The essay goes right to the heart, and makes it possible to “cure” pornography addiction in about 10,000 words that stimulate deep reflection and maturation. Read More
The cure for being daft in 11 words
Why bother messing with cows when powdered milk is so cheap?
Cows and powdered milk?
Only the self-centered would think of simply satisfying themselves with cows or powdered milk, instead of providing the conditions for cows to thrive. Even pigs take care of each other, no?
Troll alert
I'm sure Martian didn't read past the headline. Thank you for your essay, Dr. Chandra. It was illuminating, and I downloaded the essay from Amazon even before finishing your article. how do you respond to supporters of pornography who recommend its use to "spice up" relationships and enhance people's sex lives? Personally, I found it had the exact opposite effect--when I was using pornography heavily, my libido and arousal response when I was with an actual partner was actually weaker. Once, I persuaded my wife to watch some with me, and I'll never forget the look of shock on her face. I had become fairly immune to any feeling whatsoever about the images I watched every day, but seeing her shock sort of shocked me and clued me in to the fact that I had pretty much desensitized myself to erotic stimuli. And that's not a good thing.
Pornography to spice up sex life
Very good question. Of course, people use fantasy to spice up their sex lives. And most of us are attracted to seeing nude bodies. But I would think Mura's point is that using these images puts us in an abusive role - and we lose something of ourselves in the process. Of course, Mura was speaking of addictions to pornography.
Is there something "less" than addiction that we can be more comfortable with? That's a tough question - it asks if pornography be viewed as an acceptable part of sex life. I think if you take the journey that Mura takes, then you must view pornography very differently, and perhaps even sexuality differently. I'm curious how you feel after you read Mura's essay.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! This is a difficult issue to tackle.
That's the question
Yes, that's the question I was trying to formulate. Is there something less than pornography addiction? Many people say "yes." Men defend their habit by saying "I only use it x number of times a week" (sort of like the excuse "I only smoke at social events").
Incidentally, are you entirely comfortable linking sex addiction and porn addiction as much the same thing? As I understand it, porn addicts don't necessarily act out their addiction by compulsive sexual behavior towards other people. From what I've read, porn addicts indeed often tend to be isolated and they will say that using porn is "easier" than trying to form inter-human relationships.
Is a lesser amount of porn acceptable?
I have great compassion for isolated people who fall into the use of pornography to soothe themselves and have the need to create a fantasy sexual experience in order to feel ok. It's totally understandable.
As for any one person's use of porn - well ultimately it is really their choice. Sometimes these choices are made without full awareness of the issue, though. As Mura points out, there are vast cultural forces that push us towards pornographic perception and the use of pornography. I would encourage everyone to read and reflect on Mura's essay and then come to terms with if and how they would want pornography in their lives.
As for your second question - they are clearly different activities, but share certain qualities, which Mura gets at. For me, the goal of human life is wholeness and sanity, to which either activity would seem to be pose barriers.
Hexagram 60 of the I Ching is relevant here:
___
Water is difficult to keep within the Lake's banks:
The Superior Person examines the nature of virtue and makes himself a standard that can be followed.
Self-discipline brings success; but restraints too binding bring self-defeat.
___
So perhaps sexuality itself requires some discipline. What restraints you apply really are up to you.
Thanks for your time.
I am a hetero male. I work in
I am a hetero male. I work in the photographic field, but not as a photographer. I find that I view classic nude photos differently than a typical men's magazine type of photo. By that I mean I see and take pleasure in the art of it. The lighting in particular catches my eye, and then the use of the human body to create an intruguing form. Black and white has a less tittilating effect than if the same photo is in color. But the point is, I feel a difference in my response to the "art" photos than photos taken for nudity alone. I am mentioning this to speculate as to whether we are capable as a culture of separating nudity from pornography.
Would Rubens have been guilty of painting pornography if the public response at the time had been to identify that particular artwork as such? I feel certain he didn't paint it as such. I know there is an obvious argument to be made for the purpose behind the creative process at the time of creation, but I have seen some "salacious" photos that were quite artistic. The women was nude, their breasts and labia were showing, they were very broadly lit. Not a "classic" pose or lighting, but an intriguing photo all the same. So, was it porn or something else? It is difficult to absolutely define them as pornographic we I can see the artistic nature of those particular images. I can look at them and agree that they are highly sexual, but I can also see some high art in the elements (wardrobe, though not much, hairstyle, makeup, props, setting, lighting, etc.) that make up the photos. Things that are not necessary for just a "dirty" picture to only appeal to one's prurient interest. Does it fall under the old "I know it when I see it," standard and is thus judged porn. It would be fair to say art and porn, to at least to some degree, are in the eye of the beholder. It is interesting though how the more "sexual" in terms of pieces-parts exposed, or provocative in body positioning if the subject, the more inclined we are to label a naked body as poronographic.
Perhaps I am pleading my own case. It's difficult to fathom one's own motivations at times. I do strongly and even reverently feel there is little else more beatuiful than a well lit, well posed naked female form. I have seen photos were no breasts, or vagina or buttocks were exposed and found them just a appealing by virtue of the light and form, so I know it is not just about primary and secondary "sexual organs". I have seen some nice male forms, but the shapes and lines of the female body are much more appealing to my eye. So, are there degrees of porn? Is all overtly sexual imagery porn? I obviouly lean toward not so, but my opinion may be more self-serving than I can perceive or am willing to admit. Either way, thank you God for creating such a beautiful creature as woman.
Does anyone else have a similar observation to share, or dissimilar for that matter? Not agruing for porn, just wondering if it is all about the extent of the nudity and perceived purpose that is at the nexus of the issue. Or are we just "nude prudes" as a society in America? No, I don't share these observations with my wife if you were wondering. She wouldn't be capable of accepting the fact that it can be only about the beauty and not just about the "sex". I wish it were otherwise. It is sad that most women are enslaved by body image issues. Most of us loving husbands see our wives bodies with much kinder eyes than they do.
Pornography vs art
Good question. I can certainly see the difference between pornographic perception and use of pornography vs artistic appreciation of the nude body. The key would be how your mind uses the image.
However, women's bodies adorn just about every product there is to sell. Most of it doesn't seem to be to appeal to our artistic sense. I know, "sex sells" - but this is held differently in each culture.
Interesting food for thought, thank you.
Forgot to check the notify
Forgot to check the notify box earlier. Had to post this just to do that.
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