But I think this steady stream of sex-related scandals is just the most titillating and graphic part of something more widespread and troublesome in the lives of many men and women today: the gap between people's public lies and private truths.

That is, many people live with contradictions between their inner lives (the truths about their desires, emotional experience, self-image and ideals) and what they do with those truths behind the scenes, hidden from view (their private selves), and the lives they conduct publically, in their career paths, their relationships with their families or others they deal with and the positions they espouse or advocate (their public selves).

Public lies that contradict private truths have been part of our culture for some time. But in my work with people over the last few decades, I've seen it grow more rapidly since 9/11 and the economic/political events of the last few years. As I reflected on the reasons for this gap, how it damages people and our society, I was reminded of the Egyptian myth of Osiris. He was killed and dismembered, and each of the 14 pieces of his body parts was buried in different places. But then Isis, the wife of Osiris, collected the body parts and was able to put them back together. At that point, Osiris came back to life.

There's a relevant message for today contained in the symbolism of the Osiris myth, which I'll explain later. But first, take a look at the usual explanations of the most flagrant examples of the public-private gap, and what they suggest about power, success and social conditioning. The most common reasons offered by both media pundits and mental health professionals include the possibility that the power lust of people -- most often men -- and the enabling of sycophants around them loosen their control of impulses. Then, the opportunity to act on impulses for sex and domination may increase. Some research even suggests that, as people rise in power, they're more likely to commit adultery.

In this view, as men rise in power, they have more opportunity to act on their impulses, and will do so. However, it's not clear whether such people had shaky impulse control to begin with. Perhaps the atmosphere and adulation around power and recognition fuels and reinforces nascent narcissism, like pouring gasoline onto a fire. But it's hard to say whether such people were narcissistic to begin with, or had tendencies that became strengthened and intensified by the perks and rewards of their situation.

Psychologically, high levels of success and power in business, politics, sports or entertainment can strengthen and fuel self-centeredness, at least. Environments in which you're often under public scrutiny can also feed heightened aggressiveness and a sense of entitlement, an attitude of "taking what I want, because I can," coupled with a belief that you can get away with it. Interestingly, research shows that a higher level of testosterone, typical in aggressive, narcissistic, "Type-A" personalities, stifles the natural capacity for empathy. That's visible in people with power who use others for their own self-centered ends.

These are plausible explanations, per se, but the lives of a broader range of people who aren't politicians or celebrities also contain private truths and public lies, though less visible and less dramatic. In my view, a major source for those within that larger mainstream is found in how men and women become conditioned into what they think an adult life is supposed to be, or should be. And much of that originates in parental imperatives, whether overt or implied. The filmmaker Spike Lee described that in a recent interview. He remarked on parents who "kill more dreams than anybody," those who push their children to opt for career security at the cost of pursuing their passions.

Life In A Parallel Universe

The heart of the deception many enter into is that you present yourself in one way in your public role, but feel or behave a different way, in private. Life in your parallel universes often grows gradually, as you adapt to and embrace behavior that you see rewarded, even as it clashes with your own values or beliefs. Over time, that generates increasing discomfort, especially if whom you're morphing into publically doesn't mesh so well with the person you are inside.

This can occur when people follow pathways to "success" that are easily available or acceptable to parents. Those pathways might connect with innate abilities, whether they reflect real interests or not. The end result for them is becoming entrapped in their lives. They feel caught between elusive longings for something different and more purposeful, as opposed to settling for what they have acquired in their relationship, their lifestyleor their work.

For example, they may feel vaguely or even acutely at odds with their chosen career path, like the man who said, "I never wanted a business career," or the woman who said, "I really wanted to be come a research scientist." Or the feeling of being out of synch may occur in the person they created a long-term relationship with, as in the lyrics of "Once in a Lifetime," a Talking Heads song: "You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife/You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?"

This feeling of vague emotional discomfort is often the product of having embraced the "acceptable" or "practical" view of adulthood that's put in front of you. That may include "acceptable" ways to relate, or what kinds of people to relate to, based on what the parents or extended family wants to maintain; and following one acceptable path that the parents desire and encourage or is part of a family tradition.

Private truths in conflict with public lies often erupt as overt psychiatric symptoms. Self-absorbed, narcissistic behavior may reflect a deformed effort to secure recognition and affirmation of the person's inherent value and self-worth, an attempt to secure love for who one is inside. That may become visible in unconsciously seeking a state of infantile bliss through the hoped-for love and full attention from the partner. Some are more driven to overt hypocrisy, exploitation and dominance, and they may be fueled by deep feelings of resentment or shame.

Whether the gaps are more benign or malignant, they are the root of much of the depression and anxiety rampant in today's culture.

Macular Degeneration Of The Self

In today's interconnected, highly exposed and networked world, the contradiction between public lies and private truths is harder to maintain. That's good, actually, because it opens the possibility for learning how to create a more integrated life. And that's healthy and necessary for both individuals and society. While people's lives are highly fragmented, the need for interconnection and interdependence is greater than ever, for building security, success and well-being in today's globalized environment.