Instead, think of a broad period of true adulthood that starts somewhere in the 30s. From that period onward men and women face a range of truly adult challenges of living and working in today's world. This new, longer adulthood extends for several decades -- recent surveys find that about 80% think "old age" begins at around 85 -- so the term "midlife" is no longer accurate.

No surprise, then, that 30-somethings are reporting symptoms associated with a "midlife crisis" - marriage boredom, careers flatlining, work-life juggling, trying to keep it all together, trying to maintain sanity...and, wondering what the point of it all is, like in that Talking Heads song.

To better explain all this and how to reverse that "death spiral," let's look at recent contradictory data about the so-called middle years from a broader perspective. Then, I'll suggest ways to deal with those challenges that enhance psychological health and well-being.

First, the recent research and surveys that present contradictory data about the so-called middle years: Some comes from a MacArthur Foundation study that indicates there's no such thing as a "midlife crisis" at all; that most people sail through it smoothly. But try telling that to the many men and women who struggle with a "non-existent" crisis that can lead to despair and turmoil.

And then there are the recent surveys that find midlife to be a period of both increased potential for suicide and increased happiness. One American-British study of two million people indicates that midlife is a time of universal depression, especially through the decade of one's 40s.
 Moreover, that depression can be severe, leading to suicide. For example, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports a 20 percent rise in midlife suicide in recent years; a rise that exceeds all other age groups in the U.S.

Some have tried to explain this in various ways: The decrease of hormone replacement therapy among women; more divorces; the tenfold increase in the use of prescription painkillers. But they're groping in the dark. Such factors can lead to many outcomes, depending on how the person handles them; not necessarily suicide.

On the flip side, data also indicates that happiness actually increases after this "bottoming out" of depression. Again, speculations abound as to why: Some argue that people may feel happier after their 40s because they've learned to count their blessings, or learn to accept that they'll never achieve certain life goals.

I find these all of the above explanations unconvincing. I think they only underscore the need for a new understanding of adulthood, proper; a new framework through which people can learn to deal positively with that adult life challenges of today's world.

Redefining "Midlife"
Much of the contradictory data about depression and happiness reflects a failure to understand that people face a mixture of new challenges once they're past the young adult years, pre-about 35. During the several decades between young adulthood and old age you grapple with the challenge to "evolve" into a fully adult human - emotionally, creatively, relationally, and spiritually. You have to face such core questions as "What am I living for?" "What's the purpose of my life?"

That period now kicks in somewhere during one's 30s. That's when most people start emerging from younger adulthood, which is really an extension of adolescence in our culture. Until then, you're dealing with the often-long period of education and training, and getting established in the adult career world. You're shifting your emotional connection with your family towards becoming more of your own person. You're learning about intimate relationships, and (hopefully) why they fail. Overall, you're having to take more responsibility for your actions, decisions and direction in life.

These challenges are the source of most adult emotional conflicts, because facing them can arouse tremendous fear, denial or escapism. After all, we're highly conditioned to define ourselves by what we have rather than who we are. We learn to turn away from looking down the road, where we see Death patiently awaiting us all, as that 30-something woman did in her nightmare. And the economic downturn that began in September 2008 has only added to the anxieties about what may lie ahead.

When you begin to deal with the fully adult challenges you open a Pandora's Box of new questions and conflicting desires. For example, you feel pulled towards integrating the different "parts" of your life. You want to answer that inner voice asking, "Why am I choosing to live the life I'm living?" That is, the work you're engaged in, your friendships and love relationships, your life-style and other commitments. Your inner voice begins to ask, "Are they what I truly want?"

Facing all that can be difficult, even painful, because we're so easily trapped within our past choices and/or materialistic lifestyles, and there we may not be able to see any viable alternatives. Then, we may just resign to "what is." It can lead to what one man said to his wife during a couples therapy session in my office, "Maintaining a certain life-style and juggling all the balls of busy lives and careers - that's just part of normal life, isn't it? Can't do anything about that. Let's just figure out how to smooth out the bumps."

A Perfect Storm
I think depression does rise among some people when the new conflicts and needs converge with a second psychological shift: Old emotional defenses, rationalizations and self-deceptions from your childhood and adolescence, as well as from your adult decisions, begin to erode and crumble under their own weight. They no longer work so well as you age.

One reason that happens is because we always know the truth inside, and truth always keeps trying to rise to the surface. We may have remained unconscious about old conflicts - and puzzle over repetitive patterns or underlying unhappiness - but the pull towards resolving them is a strong developmental need. It tends to blossom more fully as you become older. In fact, the current economic meltdown has intensified that pull, out of necessity. In that sense it may prove to be a blessing in disguise for many people; an aid to redirecting their life choices in more fulfilling ways.

Sadly, though, some do descend into that "death spiral" of despair and resignation. That can segue into depression, from mild to severe. Suicide attempts may occur, as the research found. An example of downward drift is a man who realized that he never really liked his career, felt underutilized and unfulfilled; and then was let go by his company. At the same time, he was going through a divorce. He asked me a tearful question in our first meeting that sounded like a Zen koan: "How do you start over when you can't start over?"