If you marry someone outside your tribe, you and your partner will have to negotiate every step along the path of your marriage. You'll spend more time trying to reconcile your differences than attending to matters at hand. Even if you agree about a particular subject one day, the next day you may face some variation of the issue that requires negotiation. Nothing will come easily or spontaneously. There is no implicit understanding or silent recognition of sameness. If anything, implicit and explicit misunderstandings will permeate the relationship. This is not the kind of effort that fosters a stable union in marriage, nor does it foster betterment through collaboration. It is establishing the starting line, again and again.

In out-of-tribe marriages, long arduous negotiations and fights deplete everyone. One partner eventually gives in from sheer fatigue and lets the other take over. The compromised partner usually feels demoralized, losing the important part of himself or herself that was defined by the tribe. The extent of the compromise determines the damage to the person's soul.

If you weave yourself further into your tribal community through marriage, you'll be freed from time-consuming negotiations. You'll know where you stand in every aspect of your life and effortlessly move from one arena to another. Having common mores, ethics, rituals, and a sense of oneness will simplify your life and make it joyful.

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T. Byram Karasu, M.D. is the author of www.twitter.com/thedailyshrink T. Byram Karasu, M.D. is the author of The Spirit of Happiness">The Spirit of Happiness