Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Gal 5:16
Faithfulness is the one area in which you can demand full reciprocity from your spouse. If you have sexual intercourse with another person, you can no longer have a spiritual union with your spouse. He or she will become a person with whom you have sex.
Extramarital sex is another manifestation of the troubled soul. The soul enters an arena of destructiveness and self-destructiveness. The threat is not fear of scandal, concern about the disruption of the marriage, the threat to one's career or social standing; the worst punishment is automatically included in the sin of unfaithfulness: the loss of one's spiritual wholeness. Once you are unfaithful you can no longer be free and spontaneous with your spouse. Transparency is replaced with a deceitful façade, the psychic energy is directed to maintain lies and secrets, honesty is replaced with duplicity. This is one of the sharpest descents of the soul.
A young money manager had a one-night affair while out of town on business. He couldn't explain bruises on his neck to his wife, except to confess the whole thing and ask for forgiveness. He told her "it didn't mean anything," that it was "just an impersonal skin-to-skin contact." He added that there was no relationship of any sort, he didn't remember the woman's name, and wouldn't even be able to identify her in a lineup. Maybe what he said was true. But to his wife the incident meant everything: it meant betrayal of the covenant, the violation of trust, and the contamination of their intimacy. On occasion people justify their sins in romantic exaltation. But the heights of affection cannot be reached in the descent to infidelity. The Bible says, [The] unfaithful are trapped by evil desires. (Prov. 11:6)
Recovery from betrayal is arduous and slow, and repairing the trust of your spouse and your family is difficult. You won't be believed easily. Not only will you be questioned about whether or not you are having sex with someone else; you will be quizzed about everything else you do, including who you really are. Your spouse will wonder whether you are trustworthy, period.
When this occurs, a relationship not based on spiritual love tends to unravel. Such partners never sit down to try to hear the message in betrayal. "Are we in the wrong relationship?" "Have we outgrown each other?" "Have we neglected each other?" Should an act of unfaithfulness occur in your marriage, lovingly examine these questions together as if it never happened. Forgetting is as important in life as remembering. The Bible say, Forgive each other, just as God forgave you. (Eph. 4:32) After your spouse expresses remorse with full consciousness and clarity and repents sincerely resume your relationship with a clean slate, though your spirits will need some extra tending. Your faith will bind your wound.
When you obey God, you will always be faithful, effortlessly. You won't be blind to seeing lovely, beautiful, smart people; you won't be deaf to hearing the tempting whispers. The Bible recognizes that you want to do what's right, but you're weak. (Matt. 26:41) But you'll become more determined and recommitted to your marriage with each temptation. Because God...will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out. (1 Cor. 10:13)
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T. Byram Karasu, M.D. is the author of The Spirit of Happiness
