Marriage is a living organism; it needs to be tended regularly and devotedly. Interactions between spouses are never predictable. Personal growth and change, individually and in combination, form a relationship that is a new and frequently confounding experience. A friend said to me, "I thought I knew myself, but since I got married I've discovered certain thoughts, emotions, and behaviors I never knew I had."

One dilemma you face in marriage is keeping yourself intact while entering into union with another person. This requires protecting your solitude and also protecting the solitude of your spouse. You can only be together by being two separate people and enjoying your own guilt-free solo activities. Marriage doesn't mean you must have the same friends, hobbies, habits, tastes, or preferences. Cultivate joint interests with your spouse but not necessarily at the expense of your own interest. For example, men often take more pleasure in sports than women do. If a husband wants to play golf or watch a football game on television, wives shouldn't sulk. Women tend to seek a social life. If a wife arranges dates with friends, a husband shouldn't be a reluctant partner.