The Mindful Self-Express

The mind-body experiment.

Worst Mistakes Parents Make When Talking to Kids

Some parents use authoritarian parenting strategies that do not give the child an independent voice or sense of efficacy. Other parents don't teach kids about limits and self-control. Research shows that both extremes can interfere with kids’ ability to regulate emotions and form healthy relationships as adults. Here's how to do it right. Read More

Great Article!

Lots of great points. And wonderful positive and negative examples to drive them home.

But the worse thing you can do...

Is bore them! You touch on this with all your points. Good article!

But the worse thing you can do...

Is bore them! You touch on this with all your points. Good article!

But the worse thing you can do...

Is bore them! You touch on this with all your points. Good article!

Too many typos!

I really enjoyed the content of this article, but there were so many typos that I could hardly finish it. A simple spell check/grammar check would take care of most of the errors, such as "deelop" (develop).

Very informative and spot on

I myself am a teacher and I have a 4 year old boy and sometimes it becomes difficult to communicate with him. I really found this article to be very informative and agree on all the points. But many of the methods do not apply to kids as young as 4 and 5 years old. While searching for the same, I found some very useful articles here.

http://www.myfiveyearold.com/category/child-development/

These are short and simple ones and ONLY apply to young kids. But they are very effective and can be used TOGETHER with the points discussed in this article.

GREAT article! Looking forward for more.
-Theresa

Simply put children are from heaven.

...and we should always treat them with respect. They're a blank slate. It's easy to model bad behaviors, but if we can (take it upon ourselves to learn and then) model good ones, then we set them up for a lifetime of healthy relationships.

The one thing I learned from my human development class while getting my masters in counseling, and that I know from experience as a mom…is that our #1 responsibility as parents is to make our children feel loved, safe, and secure.

If what we are saying or doing is contrary to making them self-differentiated, affirmed, and unconditionally loved…don’t do it.

For me what this boils down to is teaching children how to identify their emotions, so they can then decide if what they're doing is a good choice, or if we can brainstorm together a better one. Letting kids express all of their emotions--good and bad--safely is such a huge part of self-regulation and being able to problem-solve before and as tantrums or differences in opinion crop up. It's quite beautiful to watch kids choose not to feel a negative emotion or switch to one that makes them feel better, because they KNOW they are in control of their emotions, thoughts, and actions.

And, if you accidentally aren’t paying attention to them, or if you say something because we’re having trouble regulating our own emotions…then own up to it, apologize, and let them know you made a mistake, and will be more mindful next time. Great article Dr. Greenberg. I’ll be sharing on my social networks. Thanks for providing examples of solutions to some of the mistakes we make!

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

If I had only known then what I know now...

This is very good information and advice. I finally understood how to communicate with my youngest (different from everyone else in my family) when he was 16 because of the Kolbe A Index. I found out that he needs things in the present tense; the here and now, and that he deplores long conversations of any kind. He and I get along MUCH better now that I don't take time to give him the details or explain things, and I give my attention now, not later. If it has to be later, I make it clear that I want to do it now but can't.

great advice

The information was extremely helpful. I like the way it was broken down and especially the examples given. As a counselor it appears that parents have a difficult time with being told to talk less or for natural consequences to occur, especially with so much focus on accountability. It is a difficult balance. I have found some helpful information as well at http://www.mindspringcenter.com.

great advice

The information was extremely helpful. I like the way it was broken down and especially the examples given. As a counselor it appears that parents have a difficult time with being told to talk less or for natural consequences to occur, especially with so much focus on accountability. It is a difficult balance. I have found some helpful information as well at http://www.mindspringcenter.com.

Mediocre

This advice seems rather cliche to me. I wonder if the author has children and applied this advice in real setting. Certainly when I try to reason with my 4yo daughter in the suggested manor she ignores and goes back to her original focus. Some good elements, but not as useful as other suggest.

No wonder why...

No wonder why I have such a negative relationship with my parents...they ALWAYS use all of the ineffective parenting responses and such.

It has really messed me up as a person.

Worth reading

I read the article with lot of patience ..n i realised small things we change n we r building better relationship with kids n making us n them happy ...we r investing less energy ...we will tell them what we have to but rather than negative n ellaborative we can be positive n precise....thanks...I wud definitely try to do improve in my efforts in handling my daughter and giving her a happy n cheerful childhood.

Love this! I included it in

Love this! I included it in my latest "Massive List of Links" post (http://itsemmaelise.com/post/78652228099/massive-list-of-links-part-10). Thanks again for sharing!

♥emma
www.itsemmaelise.com

If your a kid living with the

If your a kid living with the negative type of parent how are they suppose to cope? Whenever I try to confront my grandparents about it they just get mad and say even worse things. All I ever hear from them is what a sick person, and lazy, and selfish, and I only ever do bad things. It makes me feel like a terrible person, I have issues talking to adults because I feel like they view me as a some annoyance. Because of this I've tried straying away from the as much as possible but they just yell about how I never talk to them, I'm scared to leave my room because whenever I walk out they topic of conversation is always about everything I can't do. I've been recently trying very hard to get my reputation with them up by keeping my room clean and helping around but they continue to act like i'm just a stupid pig that they are forced to deal with. They don't acknowledge when I try they only point out everything that I did wrong. I'd love to learn how to cook, and do the laundry but whenever I ask I get told "Well Why would you want to do that you hate us."

I'm sorry about the rant but I figured it might help in reminding everyone that doing this to your kid is terrible please do not focus on the terrible things your child has done. Scold them for it but do not put them down as a person, try to trust them just a little bit and even when they make mistakes or screw up with a chore and whatnot just don't forget that they were trying it in the first place.

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Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., studies the health effects of expressive writing, cognitive adaptation to trauma, the genesis and treatment of chronic pain, among other coping issues.

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