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New research shows that bilingual speakers have a distinct advantage over monolinguals. The advantage goes deeper than being able to converse proficiently with people that speak that "other" language -- although this is a huge advantage.
the bilingual advantage
Research demonstrates that bilingual children develop greater mental flexibility, a finer grasp of abstract concepts and stronger working memory! How and why? Neuro-imaging tells us this: every time a bilingual child exercises cognitive skills their problem-solving process automatically summons two sets of linguistic codes. Their executive control system, the part of the brain that enables us to switch between two focuses of attention at the same time, gets utilized more frequently and consequently develops greater efficiency. In addition, because bilingual individuals have an abiding sense that the particular message they are attending can be expressed in a completely different form - in the other language they are proficient in - and still be an equivalent message, what tends to be emphasized as the focus of their attention is the meaning within the words being said.
The bilingual person is primed, therefore, in a way that monolinguals are not, to seek out and, at times separate, the meaning that a person is trying to convey from the words they are using to do so; the message becomes an abstraction embedded within the words -- their setting.
bilingual brian
In a study headed up by Dr. Ellen Biaslystok at York University in Toronto, two groups of children - each group was comparable but differed in that one was composed exclusively of monolingual students and the other contained only bilingual students -- were asked whether the sentence, "Do apples have noses?" was grammatically correct. The monolinguals were stumped. The bilinguals responded something like this, "The sentence is silly but grammatically correct." From this and other similar studies Dr. Bialystok sums up the results of her overall findings this way: "Bilinguals we found manifested a cognitive system with the ability to attend to important information and ignore the less important."
Have you ever been in a conversation in which someone says, "Well I don't think that's what you meant because it's certainly not what you said." As if the words were more important than the meaning they were meant to impart!
Couples who proceed down this path often argue, not about what their partner meant, but about what they said. For many of these couples, this pattern signals a preoccupation with affixing blame rather than unearthing meaning in their dialogue.
Recommendation: Explore what is said to find out what was meant. Getting lost in the concrete exchange - as if what happened were the only way it could have happened - obscures the other possible outcomes which can, often, still be evoked.
Caveat: Verbal abuse and/or emotional violence- pointed attacks on a partner's self-esteem, for example -need to be targeted for prevention, not exploration.
Willingness to accept the possibility that what one hears is not always what the other means to say is an important step in the direction of creating and maintaining emotional safety in your relationship. It is therefore important to ask explicitly if you are hearing what your partner is saying in the way they intend it. This is one definition of mindful listening.
Developing this kind of mental flexibility - the commitment to compare and contrast what is being said and done in terms of the dimension of emotional safety in the relationship - can allow couples the advantages enjoyed by bilingual speakers - the ability to attend to important information and ignore the less important. And the most important information in relational terms has to do with the quality of attachment between partners.
separate what's important from what's not
Open communication requires partners take risks, make themselves vulnerable. Without an atmosphere of emotional safety between them it is unlikely that people will be forthcoming about who they are and what they feel. Going back and forth in our thinking to sense whether what is going on between yourself and your partner is bolstering or dismantling chances for emotional safety is parallel in many ways to developing an alternate code that pops up automatically when communication between loved ones occurs -- this mimics the process that bilinguals undergo; the process that aids them in grasping abstract concepts rapidly and developing superior working memories. Attention and effort put into developing awareness of emotional safety allows capacities for being mindful and loving to become activated and flourish. This dual awareness -- that integrates active concern for emotional safety with all other cognitive concerns-- reduces stress and reshapes neural networks.
Current research on mindfulness meditation -- similar to the studies on bilingualism -confirm hypotheses that it improves brain functioning. For example, those who meditate regularly, compared to those who do not, demonstrate increases in gray matter concentration in the left hippocampus; the left hippocampus is associated with memory and learning.
emotional safety
Just as fluency in more than one language and meditation have been shown to benefit people neurologically, so research will confirm more and more what is clear from first-hand clinical evidence: partners' concern for emotional safety in their relationship brings healing, promotes love, affection and intimacy, n'est-ce pas?
Remember, love and good feelings are plentiful yet elusive; I'll be around to help you locate and develop them in the Middle Ground.
