The Middle Ground

The creative way to enriching your relationship.

by Marty Babits

Resolving An Impasse

Emily comes late often and Jim is usually early. Delayed by train malfunction, he is behind schedule to dinner and she lambasts him. That’s the situation as we left it. I asked whoever was interested in doing so to write in and try to describe how the situation resolved. Read More

Overcoming an Impasse: Cliff-Hanger (Part 1 of 2)

Emily -- brunette with a passion for pink and black worn together, a honey-tinged twang ripened to a turn during her childhood days in the North Carolina sun -- has a thing about being on time; the thing is that she rarely was or is – on time.

Coming to events late is something that moves with her like a shadow. Read More

Money Talks

Special guest-post by Dr. Ella Lasky, Co-Director of FACTS (Family and Couples Treatement and Training Service), a division of ICP (Institute for Contemporary Psychotheapy) in Manhattan. Read More

Some Marriages Are Fatal

The cast of characters in David Brooks’ April 3, 2012 column in The New York Times hit many of the pop culture benchmarks for shallow thinking about deep issues. Read More

Anger A-Ha!

Zach had an ‘A-ha!’ experience in couples therapy.

He went from having little idea about why his anger flared so frequently to understanding the chain of internal events that resulted in his losing control of his temper.

With this came confidence that he could, if not eliminate the outbursts, succeed in limiting their frequency and intensity. Read More

All Isn't Fair in Love... Nor Work

A recent article in the New York Times investigated events and attitudes that led Apple to outsource the manufacture of its iPhone rather than continue to employ Americans to do the job. Read More

Generosity Is How Love Smiles

Researchers from the University of Virginia's National Marriage Project studied the role of generosity in the marriages of 2,870 men and women.

They found what they describe as generosity ranks in the top three as a predictor of marital happiness along with sexual intimacy and commitment. Read More

Emotional Safety: How it Works or Doesn't

Emotional safety. We all need it. We really can't do without it. But do we know what it is?

More than at any other time in the history of humankind we do.

Freud, a neurologist by training, acknowledged that there was no way to confirm the validity of his theories unless and until it became possible to measure and monitor neurophysiological processes. Read More

Love Loves Fairness

In spite of all the short-sighted shenanigans we see being played out in public life, America has produced a crop of young adults who are clear-eyed and articulate about moral issues. Right? Read More

Instead of Trying to Hear Me, Could You Listen Please?

Empathic attunement is both a good place to be with your partner and the way to get there. Read More

Bilingual? Do You Speak Fluent Emotional Safety?

New research shows that bilingual speakers have a distinct advantage over monolinguals. The advantage goes deeper than being able to converse proficiently with people that speak that "other" language -- although this is a huge advantage.

What you can't see is what you might get anyway. No, I'm not talking about chlamydia. Or any other STD. I'm talking about a disconnection - an attachment injury - when you never saw it coming and are left, in its aftermath with a bath of cold water all over your aspirations for togetherness. Read More

Right About Being Wrong?

Have you ever had the experience of feeling you were absolutely right about something and then realized that you were mistaken about that very thing of which you were so sure? Read More

Justin Bieber and the American Creativity Quotient

Justin Bieber embodies a tried and true American success pattern. He's taken what the public has proven to have an appetite for - a well-executed Michael Jackson-style song-dance routine -and mixed it skillfully, with the help of folks like Usher and dazzling promotion.. The result of this recipe is measured in money: and lots of it. Read More

Can-do Spirit for the New Year!

Q: What can make this year's resolutions more potent than ones not kept in the past?

A: Much more important than specific resolutions is the dimension of resolve behind them. So what's missing behind the resolve that allows resolutions to fall away?

How can we muster the courage to follow through and overcome the discomforts of the change process? Read More

Being There In the New Year

Myth: I need my partner to be there for me when times are hard. When things are going well, it's less important.

Research Finding: Partners that are able to support each other when times are good stand the best chance of working out a satisfying long term partnership.

The Wiki-Leaks, if nothing else, has shown us how much we don't know about what goes on in the State Department. Now that Julian Assange, head Wiki-Leaks hacker, has made public what had been secret we are confronted with questions like: Who benefits from the disclosure? Who is harmed? Do the disclosures constitute greater openness between U.S. citizens and their government? Greater trust? Read More

When Did You Last Inventory Your Relationship Infrastructure?

Can physical exercise - movement --counteract a feeling or a pattern of stagnancy in a couple's communication process? Read More

A curious solution to pandemic anger: Justin Bieber and beginner’s mind

According to research cited last week by CNN, 70 percent of American adults describe themselves as angry. Anger can be addictive because it blocks feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Read More

The Jet Blue attendant and everyday conflict resolution: What's the connection?

There are not too many ways or means to capture center stage on Twitter,Facebook and virtually every facet of print and digital media with one grand gesture. Steven Slater, the Jet Blue flight attendant, demonstrated enough attention-getting power to claim such bragging rights. Read More

A-Rod's 600th Home Run: The Me, the We and the Whee! of it

In between selfishness and selflessness is a middle ground. For Alex Rodriguez, better known as A-Rod, sports writers are working overtime to elucidate his motivation in becoming the seventh major league ballplayer to hit 600 home runs in his career. Read More