When as a partner of a sex addict rationalizations become weak, the tendency to minimize comes next. That only strengthens the denial. Minimizations common to those in relationships with sex addicts are:
- It's not that bad.
- I'm the only one who really understands him.
- He needs me ─ now more than ever.
- It's just a phase.
- It's not his fault that whore went after him; he didn't have a chance.
- I'm not that interested in sex anyway.
- It could be worse. At least he is not addicted to ____ (something other than sex, i.e. alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.)
- It doesn't matter if I don't know everything he does.
How often have you had these thoughts?
Think about the beliefs and fears that bolster your rationalizations and minimizations. Partners of addicts share common beliefs and fears. Some of them are:
- I can't live without him.
- No one else will ever love me.
- I don't deserve better.
- He's the father of my children, and they need their father.
- All men are like this.
- I would have to give up some of my lifestyle because there is not enough money.
- My family might find out and I'd feel humiliated.
- The kids might find out and I won't know how to handle it.
- I've never balanced a checkbook, paid bills, or paid attention to our retirement and I am not capable.
- If others found out about his sexual behavior they would think I'm not a good sexual partner, because if I were, he would not stray.
- If he is a sex addict, then all the good times in the past were a lie.
Does any of this sound familiar?