The Long Reach of Childhood

How early experiences shape you forever

Lasting Effects of a Goodness-or Poorness-of-Fit

Here some questions that are important to ask yourself. Have you had ongoing difficulties and tensions with one or both of your parents, going back to early childhood? Do you wonder why your brother (or sister) always seemed to be the favorite child – at your expense? Do you find that you relate more comfortably to one of your own children and feel bad about that? Read More

Most controlling people fall

Most controlling people fall under sociopaths.

There is a difference between "suggestion" and DEMAND/directive. And how people respond usually depend on two things from the requester: 1) their approach/tone of voice
2) whether they have authority over you (if they don't, it will be taken into consideration)

Most people don't have problems with "suggestions" -- they have a problem with sociopaths, for example Chef Gordeon Ramsey is clearly one depicted on TV. The rise in workplace bullying is probably due to mass media like that and books that teach people being an "office bitch" is the way to climb up the corporate ladder. The past 10 years have been spent promoting this sort of idiocy, which also fits the bill for "survival of the fittest" -- of course anything that falls under that religion is pre-approved.

"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

I find that more often than not, controlling people are overcompensating for something...and this comes from a place of ignorance and insecurity. The more ignorance, the more controlling/arrogant they become...because these people ABHOR feeling vulnerable or weak. For instance, if they don't understand something or don't know where to find the answer...they won't admit it, instead of speaking to you with kindness and respect (they see this as groveling, especially if they view you as INFERIOR to them) -- they will outright demand, even go as far as screaming. But they won't behave this way to people they kiss ass to.

Sociopaths are ignorant and seldom try to figure out things on their own...nor go searching for solutions; instead, often take up other people's time, blame others and get them in trouble with the boss and team mates. Nowadays with wide access to Internet, especially in the workplace -- you can Google and find answers quickly. Most business and software problems have been asked and answered already.

For example, even at home, when I am doing something tedious and time consuming -- I start wondering, "shouldn't there be an easier way, to have this maybe automated?". Then I search the web, then voila! Plenty of answers and recommendations, even reviews...sometimes it's just a plugin or something simple to install and would save you so much time and increase your productivity. But then, if you were to show this to sociopaths at work, they will think you are a "know-it-all" and hate you for it -- won't admit how much it's going to help them...won't even thank you for it. They are oh so proud! And after realizing their error and haste to blame, sociopaths won't even apologize to you for their screaming and getting you in trouble. I'm tired of this shitz from them.

A recent example of searching

A recent example of searching for a solution to a mind numbing and time-consuming task:

I have downloaded hundreds of images from promo packages that I've bought from stock image sites, and I was going through every single file amending the file names...adding the website name where I got them from -- I had 250, then like 600 to amend and so on. When I had 600 I figured...okay someone else must have this same problem and then I went Googling on the net and learned that there is a free simple software that can amend file names and extensions in various ways INSTANTLY. This all happened in about 5 minutes!!! 600 photos renamed in under 3 minutes!!! I was so excited at this discovery!

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Ditta M. Oliker, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles and the author of The Light Side of the Moon: Reclaiming Your Lost Potential.

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