The Echoing Sounds of Silence

The days between Christmas and New Year's seem to be especially conducive to going to the movies, when theaters are showing the films being considered for awards and when life seems to momentarily slow down. One of the films getting attention is The Artist, with one reviewer writing: "This silent black and white film is an homage to the past with a glance at the future."

It is a delightful film -- but like other films I've seen -- it touches on an underlying theme that captures an important aspect of The Long Reach of Childhood - specifically - how the power of action and movement devoid of sound can dramatically impact the life of a child.

The film, for those who have not seen it, is the story of a major silent film star slowly losing his popularity as "the talkies" replace the silent film's reign in the Hollywood of the late 1920's and early 1930's. The film is basically a love story with sound only heard in the final scene. A comment in one of the reviews captured what to me feels like the connection to this blog: "It is so easy to forget how dramatic cinema was before sound. Story was certainly on the page, but mostly it was in the expressiveness of the actors and the imagination of the audience."

I found it striking and enlightening to actually experience how effectively and powerfully the plot, drama, and full range of emotions can be conveyed to a viewer of a film with an absolute minimum of sound. And I recognized, from working with children and understanding how they think, how powerfully - both positively and negatively -- a scene devoid of sound could impact a child.

For example, envision a "scene" in which the "actors" are parents who have realized that an important investment has lost its value - causing each to be quite upset. Neither one is ready to discuss the ramifications of the loss nor what steps need to be taken -- so both parents remain silent. The "audience" is their eight-year daughter, imagining what is happening in the scene.
In order to understand how a child would react to that scene one needs to understand how children think and experience their world. So take a moment to imagine:

• being three feet tall looking up into the angry face and pointing finger of an angry father
• standing really tall and being eye-to-eye with the neighbor's dog
• walking along a street and seeing, not faces, but knees
• certain that there are monsters in the closet
• getting crushed and unable to breathe in Uncle Harry's hug

Just as a child is unable to physically perform like an adult, so a child's thinking is tied to appropriate levels of intellectual development. And young children think concretely. They do not understand the subtleties of language and assume a literal meaning of words. Describe a piece of clothing as "hot" and they will be afraid to touch it. Tell a young boy to stop banging on a drum and he'll stop - but then bang on a table. Nor do children have the capacity to grasp abstract concepts. Anyone who has heard a child respond to questions like, "What happens when it rains?" or "What makes the sky blue?" knows how creative, amusing and concrete the answers can be. Children, when experiencing something new, will understand it by matching it to a pre-existing idea or experience.

Children are egocentric and cannot understand another's perspective except their own. Egocentricity leads to believing that everybody must have similar emotions, thoughts and experiences. It also translates into, "It's all about me!" This belief is not about vanity or self-aggrandizement but about how they believe, think and question how they exist in their worlds. It is expressed in questions like: "Do they like me?" - "Am I tall enough?" - "Pretty enough?" - "Too serious?" - "Not serious enough?" - and so on. Their egocentricity leads them to believe that they are the center of their worlds and, as such, have imaginary powers to affect that world. Ask a child why the sun comes up and the answer will be, "Because it is time for me to get out of bed." In keeping with that belief, they also believe they are responsible for what is happening in their world.

Now let's go back to that "scene" of silent, upset parents. The child can feel the negative energy in the room, observe her parent's upset faces, know something is wrong -- and thinking concretely and matching it to a pre-existing experience, assume that her parents are angry. Experiencing the negative vibrations in keeping with her egocentric thinking, she then assumes that she must be the cause of the problem. She begins to imagine what she did that had caused a problem that in turn caused their anger and she begins to get fussy and agitated. Her parents become aware of her agitation, and speaking in authoritative voices, caution her to "go find something to do" -- thus reinforcing her being the problem. In this scenario the silence was so much harsher than a few words spoken to explain her parent's feelings.

Let's take another "scene" - a positive and affirming one; same parents and child, different moment. Mother and Father, having spent some quality time together are experiencing feelings of comfort and love for each other -- in a prolonged silence attesting to their joy of being together. They then turn to their daughter, gently tousle her hair and include her in their silence. The child's response - both concretely and egocentrically -reaffirms her importance and inclusion. In some ways, that experience could be more powerful for a child than had the parents expressed their feelings in words.

Child Development Essential Reads

Why Are Food Allergies Becoming So Common?

How Early Do Infants Understand Humor?

The echoing sounds of silence can be a window to the past, and a portend of the future, particularly when the distinction is made between silence and silencing. More to come of this subject in future blogs.

This blog will continue to expand on The Long Reach of Childhood: How Early Experiences Shape You Forever including offering more information on how children experience and understand their world.
Hope you'll continue to join me on this journey. And hope your interactions include meaningful silences.