The Long Reach of Childhood

How Early Experiences Shape You Forever

by Ditta M. Oliker Ph.D.

Is It Competition or Bullying?

Competitions that emphasize sportsmanship and fairness have had a long history of acceptance in our society. But competition becomes something else when it starts to send the message that winning is all⎯in any way you can⎯and at any cost to another. That kind of competition crosses over to become a form of bullying or "killer" competition. Read More

The Echoing Sounds of Silence

The days between Christmas and New Year's seem to be especially conducive to going to the movies, when theaters are showing the films being considered for awards and when life seems to momentarily slow down. One of the films getting attention is The Artist, with one reviewer writing: "This silent black and white film is an homage to the past with a glance at the future." Read More

"I'm Going To Get You" Is Sometimes Real

I heard a tale of horror this week that was scarier than any Halloween tale could be. The story had it's own version of menacing ghouls promising "to get you" emanating from an amorphous, anonymous place and it was a story of cyberbullying. Read More

The Medium Is The Message

"Long Island Teen's Suicide Linked to Cyberbullies" New York Daily News Read More

Bullying in the Female World

"Kick him where it hurts" - "Punch him harder" - "Pin him down till he yells uncle". These are some of the sounds associated with male aggression. In fact, the word aggression was only applied to the males of our species, expressed in physical action and captured in words like hitting, pushing, punching, beating and ganging-up. Included in any description was anger th Read More

Communicating with Your Partner

In the Congressional battle between the Republicans and Democrats over increasing the debt ceiling, each side took positions that represented the thinking of their most vocal and powerful constituents. To cast a compromising vote held the danger of arousing the anger of these supporters and the possible future loss of power and/or re-election. Read More

The Importance of Fathers

"The fathers have eaten a sour grape and the children's teeth are set on edge". (Jeremiah, Book 31, Verse 29) This quote from the Bible represented the power of the father as the primary authority of the family for many centuries. His word was unquestioned, his decision final, his influence dominant in all matters relating to family. Read More

Empowerment

As a therapist, there are times when I offer a patient an object - a scarf, a pen, a paper flower - some object that can act as a symbol of the power they are beginning to feel because of the work they are doing. They are free to take it with them with the understanding that the object will be returned when they no longer need it. It is my way of using the power of empowerment. Read More

The Tragedy of Loss

In the spirit of hope - of healing - of renewal - and of embracing those struggling with loss, I'd like to share what I wrote of my own struggle to survive the loss of one of my sons in a mass killing a number of years ago. Read More

Self Reflection

It's easy to lose yourself in the whirlwind of the holidays. Getting caught in the pressure of so much to do and so little time is common, particularly as each year seems to rush by even more quickly than the last one. Read More

Holidays with the Family

Are you still dreaming your annual dream of a happy holiday family gathering, one filled with the special spirit this time of year should bring? Do you long to feel that special warm, accepting embrace that a close, loving family can offer? Read More

Survival Systems

In my introductory blog entitled Childhood's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" I introduced the basic idea that children need adults in order to survive and that in certain situations a child needs to put aside his or her own need and adapt to the dysfunctional and demanding need of a parent or other family member. Read More

Family Secrets

Welcome to my blog. The theme I will continue to explore with you is how the experiences and messages of your childhood continue to influence, impact and limit the rest of your life. A starting point in setting the stage for this blog is a very simple truth: children need adults in order to survive. Read More