But...for those daughters (and sons) out there who did not have an emotional connection to this important person...their mom...we see devastating effects. The mother-daughter bond is crucial. Attachment, bonding, closeness, the scent of mother's perfume, the feel of her skin, the sound of her voice singing, the solace of her rocking, holding and comforting, the intellectual stimulation and joy of being read to, the experience of having feelings acknowledged and validated-cannot be under-estimated. We cannot discount the life-long effects of NOT having this connection with a mother.

Having interviewed and treated hundreds of women who were motherless daughters in the emotional sense, I know we cannot minimize the pain. Treatment and recovery are not possible if we do. It is difficult for women to recognize this themselves and embrace healing. In a society where we get slapped down or disapproved of for even mentioning such, how can daughters of narcissistic mothers gain their footing? Who supports them? Good girls don't talk bad about their mothers, right? Daughters tell me daily how they can't talk about this with friends or family. They report that even their therapists don't understand.

Addressing childhood pain does not mean daughters are doing something wrong. It is the right thing to do. It does make a difference. The old "get over it already or the past is the past," does not work. It's the familiar counsel we used to give men. "Big boys don't cry!" Where did that get us?

We all can agree that parenting is an overwhelming task and there is no handbook. But, we can learn better ways. A part of my passion is to open the discussion for mothers and daughters everywhere. Not to blame mothers. Not to blame daughters. But, by using a point of connection and a common language, the process of healing can begin.

• So, in my office when Jane tells me that at her wedding and in a quiet moment, she heard her mother's voice, "I'll give them 2 years!"

• Or Jennifer, at age 8, buys a purse for her mom by skipping school lunches and then mom throws it across the floor and calls her a thief.

• Or, Samantha's mother rips her clothes out of the closet in a jealous rage because she wears a size 4 and screams "who do you think you are?"

• Or Jeri, an artistic child, wins an art award and a scholarship to take art classes. Her mother is too inconvenienced to drive her there.

• Or when I see kids everyday in my practice that witness domestic violence, are sexually or physically abused, or live in homes with excessive drug and alcohol usage...

I DON'T SAY, "GET OVER IT." We cannot condone child abuse. It is these precious little children and adult children that need understanding, validation and recovery. So, if it takes breaking a taboo to talk about it... let's smash it. What if the difference makes more parents aware of the emotional realm of their children? What if it creates better human beings?

Come join us on FB on April 18th at 6:30 PM Mountain Time. See details on: www.nevergoodenough.com Let's discuss!