In my previous post, I promised that I would give you some examples of just how badly our romantic self-help culture distorts evolutionary biological gender models, using them to justify overtly sexist gender profiling. These are from relatively recent (and extremely popular) books aimed at women specifically, and they represent only the tip of the iceberg of what is available at the self-help section of Barnes & Noble:
"Men are hunters, and like any hunting animal, they are more intrigued by conquering prey when it resists the predator."
"Men, for the most part, like to pursue women... Remember, you are the catch. They are out to snare you. They are not the tasty little mako that will be so good mesquite grilled in a nice lemon sauce. You are."
"A man needs to feel 'manly." That's why he won't stop to ask for directions... If you want him to turn right, tell him 'I think it might be to the left.' In a man's mind, his navigation skills will always be superior to a woman's. It's all about his ego, which has no direction and no line of rotation."
"Women who are successful in other areas of life are often the ones who find themselves saying, 'I should not have to apologize for being strong.' Then the following week they wonder why the 'can't find a good man.' Because a good man wants a good w-o-m-a-n."
"What is a football game but a map, a maze, a puzzle, spatial action, and aggressive competition - all of which engage skills that appeal to the male brain... No wonder most women do not understand why men get such pleasure from watching sports; these pastimes don't ring a chord in their evolutionary psyches."
"A couple of times a week when he's being kind or generous, let him know he's the top dog. Make him feel as though he's the alpha-dog and the Grand Poo-Bah. He wears the pants, and he is the man."
What century are we in? I find it scary that these kinds of statements are the bread and butter of our self-help industry. And I think that they are just as offensive to men as they are to women. I don't personally know any men who think of women as prey to be conquered. No doubt there are still some men out there who fit the hunter mold, but why should we take them as the norm? And why, for heaven's sake, would I ever want to date such a hunter? What's in it for me as a woman? Why is this the model of masculinity that the self-help industry is trying to sell me?
Also, isn't there something fundamentally odd about the idea that men are programmed to hunt women. As far as I understand, when male predators (say, leopards) go hunting for food, they don't target females of their own species. They chase zebras, gazelles, antelopes, and water buffalo. But they are not stupid enough to pursue their own potential mates. Why, then, would men be this stupid?
I'll be returning to our self-help industry's take on gender in subsequent posts, but let me end with an episode of Criminal Minds I love because it reveals brilliantly the absolute brutality of the Man-the-Hunter model. In this episode, the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI is investigating a series of gruesome murders committed by a man who finds his female victims by cruising crowded bars. The team discovers that the murderer most likely took a self-help class designed to teach men the art of picking up women. Agents Morgan, Hotchner, and Prentiss visit the class. They watch from the sidelines while the instructor (named "Viper") gives a group of men the following advice: "Men are put on this earth to hunt women. And even though women deny it, they want to be hunted. They need it. It's part of our biological imperative as animals... My job is to help you slash past every defense... Because this is the jungle, my friends. And your prey wants to be caught."
In the end of this, Morgan turns to Hotchner and Prentiss and says, "Will you listen to that language? He's training serial killers."
Need I say more?
