Gifts For Introverts...To Give Themselves

Source: Photo by Stefano Mortellaro via Flickr.

This year's gift guide isn't about what to buy other introverts; it's about gifts you can give yourself that will benefit you through the coming year and ever after. Even better: They don't cost a dime.

A moment: Once a day, step away. Make a point of getting away from everything at least a few minutes every day. Leave the phone behind and go outside, soak in the natural light (even if it's moonlight), look at the sky, look at the trees, feel the air on your skin, and let the rattle in your head dissipate. It doesn't have to be a long time; just a few minutes of nothing in particular is a balm for the mind. If you do have time for a nice stroll, though, better yet. And while I often hook up to music or podcasts when I walk, sometimes nothing but silence will do. Sweet, sweet silence.

The present: No, not A present. THE present. Right here, right now. I know how easy it is to be in love with our own thoughts. We're just so darn interesting. But thinking, thinking, thinking all the time takes you out of the here and now, and life just slips by while you're rummaging around in your own brain. I wrote about overthinking in my last post, "Five Strategies to Help You Stop Overthinking." If you want to explore that in more depth, check out Women Who Think Too Much by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. Even if you're a man. Even better yet, take up meditation. A lesson or two can help. Or look for free guided meditations (I'm a fan of Tara Brach.)

The right words: Come up with stock phrases you can pull out and use whenever you need them, so you're not grasping for words every time you need to set a boundary. Things like, "Thanks, but I'm going to pass on this (party, game, round of the hokey-pokey, etc.)." Or, "Can we back up a minute? I had something to say about (subject that extroverts chattered past minutes ago)." Or, "I think I'll stay in tonight." Or, "I turn into a pumpkin at midnight, so I better head out now." Invent phrases that suit your style and use them without shame or apology.

Energy for friends: Just 'cause we're introverts doesn't mean we don't need friends. In fact, we need them badly—the quality ones—because we don't go for quantity in friendships. Having fewer friendships makes it all the more important that we nurture those we value. We have to be sure we don't always make those people reach out to us, that we show up when we say we will, that we don't cancel plans too often (occasionally is OK), that we get out of our own heads long enough to get into others' when it matters. This post, about a common habit that can lose you friends, struck a chord with a lot of introverts who visit my Facebook page. Take a look.

Permission: What do you want that society (or family or friends) says you shouldn't? To ignore the phone when it rings? To take a vacation alone? To shut yourself in the house all weekend and watch John Hughes movies? You don't need anyone else's permission to do any these things, so what's stopping you, or making you feel guilty or ashamed? Are you judging yourself? Well...quit it. Give yourself permission to indulge these introvertish desires. And even extrovertish desires, should they arise. Are you nuturing a secret yen to audition for community theater? Why the heck not? Let yourself out of whatever box you've constructed. You have my permission, do you have your own?

Check out my books, Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After; The Introverts Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World; and 100 Places in the USA Every Woman Should Go. Support your local independent bookstore; click here to find an indie near you.