These relationship red flags aren't necessarily deal breakers, but if you spot them early you can work them out before bad habits become entrenched. Read More
I hate to be hyperbolic, but when you say
"Because narcissistic people can be predatory, seeking out passive souls who might bend to their will, and because some introverts can be passive about letting relationships come to them, it’s a good idea to know the red flags of narcissism."
highlighting narcissism vs introversion, I'm in *awe*! because I've come to realize that narcissism is THE battle of EVERY day...every day...in my mind, the *biggest* obstacle to social contentment/happiness/peace--pick a word...the theme of my never ending work to improve my social life!
"Be sure to enter before February 21, 2104." You meant 2014, I assume :)
No matter how many times I read through before posting...
Fascinating article. I was in a decade long marriage to an extreme extrovert. I was always doing more than I wanted, her friends were always over and I rarely had time to just be quiet in the home with our kids. Over time, I began to believe that something was wrong with me. I didn't desire the multitude of gatherings that she did, didn't need the constant stimulation of people around all the time. This skewed my view of self. Suddenly I regarded myself as somehow defective in that try as I might, I only desired occasional outings and gathering with friends. The contrast of our personalities helped foster this notion in me. Drained by the barrage of activities, I withdrew from friends. I don't know how common this effect is in an introvert/extrovert relationship, but I think its worth mentioning. Ive been working through our divorce for a couple years now and I've accepted that she and I made many of the mistakes that you outlined in this article. I don't believe that she ever really understood that social activities were draining to me just as I wrote off her desire for such as weakness. I've learned so much these past few years about myself that I'm in way better shape than I've been in the past decade. I've resumed my musicianship and writing, two things that I gave up just so my then-wife could have what she wanted. I feared being single at first, but I've found that one strength I have is the ability to be alone, a quality I had come to regard as a flaw in contrast to my extroverted ex. But in my solitude I've also realized how important being social with others is to human wellbeing. I was simply not able to strike a balance before, for whatever reason. I'm definitely going to work harder doing so in the future!
Would it kill u to give a hug one in awhile?
I am kind of an "introvert light" if compared to my spouse who is a "solid introvert". Over 22 years I am used to the way my spouse is. I get it and try not to push my spouse to far out of their comfort zone. The problem now is that people just become more of who they really are over time and now this introversion is even directed toward me. It is very difficult to want more from someone and know you won't get it. I think introverts can really indulge in their own introversion, not good for a relationship.
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Sophia Dembling is a widely published Dallas, Texas-based writer. Look for her next book, Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After, coming in January 2015.
It can take a radical reboot to get past old hurts and injustices.