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Thanks to everyone who responded to my survey about meeting introverts! I am happy to share the results and some of the comments over the next couple of posts. I will draw no conclusions, but at least it gives us all something to think about. Read More
what's the gender breakdown
what's the gender breakdown for 50% who wouldn't mind dating introverts? I believe penalty for a guy being introvert when dating is much more harsh than for a woman.
gender
Unfortunately I don't have a gender breakdown of respondents, but perhaps others will have opinions about this.
Men may be at a disadvantage because they are often expected to make the first move, but let's not forget the appeal of the strong, silent type. And though women can get away with being shy and retiring, they also are expected to be bubbly and outgoing cheerleader types. So it may all balance out.
hypothesis
This conversation about introverted males being at a disadvantage reminds me of an episode of King of the Hill. It's reveled that the character Boomhauer's success with women is achieved by his persistence in asking woman after woman out until one says yes.
From that, my hypothesis is that while the extrovert may have better chances at repeatedly finding a d(m)ate, more doesn't equal better. I think the introverts natural tendency for wariness or prudence towards finding a mate, i.e they are more selective, is their advantage, at least in the guise of finding a long term mate. Quality over quantity.
The counter to this of course is that the natural tendencies of the introvert may also cause them to miss potentially successful opportunities. But I suspect this aspect is applies only as you get towards the extreme end of the spectrum.
I have never read your blog
I have never read your blog before. This isn't a troll, just first impressions from this post only.
You seem to spend a lot of time out in public doing things. Maybe that is normal. My job requires me to talk to a lot of people from different organizations and train my employees to deal with a wide range of personalities. So my entire work day is driving and human interaction.
I do not enjoy shopping, going to book stores, or really anything public when not required. Most of the comments on this blog make it sound like being an "introvert" is an excuse to be conceded. I got a huge "I'll talk to you if you are good looking or very interesting. Otherwise you are wasting my time and oxygen" kind of vibe.
Then again, maybe I am the only introverted person not out there trying to get someone interesting to approach me.
Oh, no, not the only one.
I don't like strangers talking to me. I don't care if they're attractive or not. What I do in bookshops is my business, and I have no desire for people I don't know and never asked to know to come up to me and start talking when I'm in my own zone.
I'm completely opposite to one of the people quoted above: I would love to get to know my barista or regular bookshop worker or library clerk, slowly, over time, as we recognize each other more and more. I don't want to get to know the perfect stranger who has been the one to choose whether we should talk or not. I like a long, slow, gradually-get-to-know period with someone I see frequently.
"Cute," huh?
A couple of thoughts:
If I'm sitting in a coffee shop, I'm generally OK with being approached. If I really don't want to be, I'll be at home or hiding in my car. Just because I'm introverted (and an Aspie) doesn't mean I don't like people contact, especially one-on-one. I just don't know how to initiate it.
Many of the ladies don't seem to mind being approached by a "cute" guy. How are we supposed to know if you think we're "cute"? None of us think we're cute. I mean, I look in the mirror and know I'm not dog-ugly, but I'm nothing special. Why would I assume you'd think I'm cute? So I won't bother, because you'll stonewall me (right?) Or so I think. We live in a world where attention from a "cute" guy is great; attention from a guy you don't find attractive is "creepy." I'll risk missing out on you to avoid the risk of being thought creepy. Your loss AND mine.
http://xkcd.com/642/
An Introvert
How do you compete when you are an introvert and you endeavor to chat up another introvert. I read alone in my own house, travel alone,and usually previously worked alone as well, but my use of language is not good, but at the same time I am very responsive to the actions of others, and I believe I have a positive attitude. I have an introverted friend, (obviously female) who is introverted, and has negative attitudes, who at times realizes that she is of a negative nature. She works in a group environment, but they are not on a close relationship. Sometimes she wants to enjoy my company which I like, other times she reacts and does not want to see me at all. I believe I have extroverted problems in my nature which unfortunately come out and put off other people most definitely. I have developed these attitudes over a long time, but I am not happy with them. How do I lose these extroverted attitudes, and what does one do to come in line socially with an another introverted person.
Dennis
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