The Introvert's Corner

Wow, I never thought of the holiday seasons as a total extrovert-centric time. I'm always filled with anxiety during holidays which has caused me to hate them. Now I have a more concrete reason why I don't like them. I usually retreat to my room and say "oh I have to check my email...for an hour or two."

Ah, the supermarket dodge! That's one of my favorites! There's nothing as pleasing to the eye or calming to the soul as a Pathmark at some odd hour: The wide variety of colorful stuff to look at and the absence of anyone who's likely to ask you why you don't have kids yet.

Volunteering to take out the garbage and/or do the dishes are also fine ideas, plus you get the added benefit of that Zen "chop wood/ carry water" thing.

Take kids to a playground. The kids have to be old enough to play for long periods of time without needing attention. Set up a folding chair or blanket, or stay in the car, and do whatever you want.

Fake a headache and spend some time in a quiet room.

Go on an errand, and on the way drop in to a public library.

I'm making sure that after I get back from my family, I have a couple of days afterwards with no socialising whatsoever to re-charge.
Just knowing I've got some time to myself makes it easier to cope with everyone for the few days of christmas. Also, fortunately my family and close freinds are quite used to me needing to spend some time just reading and not being sociable.

I have no problem dealing with smallish groups of people--although I'm sensitive to energy flow. Negative energy or hyper energy drives me nutso.

However, this Thanksgiving I'm spending the day amongst a LARGE group of mostly strangers. Something like 50 people. It was either that, or hang alone--which I don't want to do. All my other choices are too far away.

Any advice on how I can get some breathing room? I'm probably going to need to check out a lot over the course of the day.

I've accepted, perhaps for the first time in decades, that my personality is not the same when I'm around groups of people I don't know. I'm not charismatic and probably act strained. The whole thing wipes me out.

My favorite escapes during the Christmas season:

The mall - it's a mad bustle of shoppers, but I often find a local brass or string group playing carols. I can sit, soak up the holiday ambience, listen and people-watch for long stretches without anyone bothering me.

The Luminaria tour - unique to Albuqueque, Santa Fe & perhaps a few other places in the SW, but I bet there are similar things in other places. I can stroll around Old Town Square and the adjoining neighborhoods admiring the beauty until I get cold. Very peaceful.

Christmas concerts - lots of churches have them, and usually free. The beauty of being in a church sanctuary is that you're expected to be quiet and thoughtful!

These do require a little more planning, but are great for longer rest periods if you can manage them. Also, I find that if I take these breaks before I need them, I'm a lot less likely to get overwhelmed later when quiet time is more elusive.

I'm very fortunate that my family has other introverts in it, so there is a lot of understanding... We typically have one day before xmas when the extended family gets together. Manageable.

Then some of us take off for the Caribbean where the rules are simple: do what you feel like doing - read, swim, eat, get a massage, sleep - at your own pace.

Much less stressful, no xmas BS. Highly recommended.

I've happened upon the ultimate holiday escape for an introvert - I'm spending the holidays at a monastery. Seriously. The ultimate escape route, a week of silence and contemplation.

I spend most of my family's part of the holiday festivities in a sort of zoned-out state. I imagine if you could tune into my brain at any given point it would be something along the lines of ".............turkey............." They've learned, over the years, to just leave me be unless they need something. Works very well.

My husband's family, on the other hand, does not allow this sort of thing. They TOUCH. Surely other introverts can imagine the horror of having not only your mental space and quiet bubble invaded, but also your physical buffer! I spend the entire 1 1/2 hour (yes, my husband is merciful and sets time limits to allow me to escape) in a constant state of cringe.

THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION ALL DAY LONG WILL BE LIKE THIS!!!!!!!
When I start to zone out, trying to save my poor hearing, I get nudged, or poked, or hugged, or kissed on the cheek. Don't get me wrong, occasional touching is just fine. If, say, I've known you all my life and/or I'm about to drive us into a guardrail. But these people, many of whom I still don't know the names of....ugh. Just ugh. I spend the next week and a half, generally speaking, trying to get to the point where I can once more deal with more than one person at a time.

I usually do my best to stay in the thick of things with family during the holiday's, since it is the one time a year I am back home. However, I always find myself getting anxious and frustrated with all the talking and children, when that feeling strikes me I will quietly disappear and take a walk outside, or just sit on the porch, the cold and quiet recharges my social batteries. If I can't make it outside for whatever reason, I will find a nice cozy spot to sit down and just glaze over for awhile. Luckily most of my family, and to a lesser extent my husband's family, understand to just let me be in these moments.

I like to bundle up warm and wander around the neighborhood looking at Christmas lights. Especially late at night when I'm out there by myself and everything is quiet - it can feel so peaceful and magical.