The Introvert's Corner

Thanks for the post! It came just in time. I'm attending a friend's housewarming party tomorrow and was having trouble prepping (read: psyching myself up) for it. Glad to have the "escape" ideas.

I generally observe when people are leaving and then follow them out so that way attention isn't drawn to me but give me an evening home with my tv and dvd movies and that is how I love to spend time relaxing

Ignore my previous comment. RSS feed located!

To stay more "on topic," while I support the idea of accepting one's introverted personality, I think that, unless the proverbrial "feces" are about to hit the fan, running from the party isn't the way to go.

Yeah, it's harder to do, but the "better" thing is to stick it out. There may be loved ones who want you to be part of something important to them, even if it is just a silly party.

Look at it this way: when you want to spend time with someone important to you, what do you want to do? Personally, I'm a big fan of curling myself and my Significant Other (TM) around a book to read together, or in front of a movie, or even a video game. A quiet evening together. That's how -I- relax and have a good time.

But maybe she'd like to hit a party and see all of her "friends" from work (acquaintances at best, for the most part... not really a negative thing, just more accurate >.> ). And, more importantly, maybe she wants me to be there for some of that, to enjoy her good time -with her-. In essence, to have me be part of her life.

Sometimes, I'll have her play introvert with me, and sometimes I'll play extrovert with her. Gaining the ability to do just that without it causing pain, resentment or sheer exhaustion is just healthy - not only for me as a person, but for my relationship with her and my interaction with society as a whole for the remainder of my days.

I have a weird thing that happens to me all the time, and I'm wondering if anyone else is like me:

I get invited to a friend's party, and attend. It's full of people I don't know, of course. I either spend most of my time talking with the two or three people I do know, or I try to insert myself into some "party-support" role like manning the barbecue or helping in the kitchen, or I drift silently from one conversation to another feeling like I just don't belong there. Generally speaking, I'm not having much fun; I'd be more comfortable and happier and better entertained if I'd stayed home and read a book.

BUT I CAN'T LEAVE. It's not that I want to leave but can't figure out how, it's just that I can't fucking leave the party. I always end up waiting it out and I am one of the very last ones to leave. Why?

Because the payoff for doing that is the half-hour or so at the end when it's just me and the hosts and maybe a couple of other people, and instead of superficial "mingling", we might have an actual conversation. I'll get a heartfelt thanks for showing up and helping out, which I never get if I leave after an hour.

I like that last half-hour a lot. I'm not sure if it's worth the hours of not-having-fun that precedes it, though.

Well, it's funny, once I'm at a party, I sometimes end up having fun, and I don't want to leave. It's more like, I can only handle one party per week, after which I need to stay in and not talk to people to rest up my social muscles.

So my problem isn't necessarily leaving parties - it's declining parties. I have tons of super extrovert friends who go out every night and take my declining their invitations with a myriad of reactions - they become hurt, and think that instead of hanging out with them, I'm hanging out with some other friends. Most of all they pressure me to come, and make me feel bad for not coming. I don't understand this. If someone said "I'm feeling like staying in," I would never shout "LAME!" in their face - I feel like it's a lil offensive. My boyfriend has assured me that they are just trying to show that they want me to be there, and I should be flattered and happy I have friends who care if I show up, but it ends up bothering me to no end, probably more than it should...I am simultaneously mad at them, for trying to manipulate me, but the guilt nags at me until I end up going, having a horrible time, and everyone can tell. It sucks.

I seem to have a problem saying goodbye. It seems other people can kiss and hug everyone before they leave and I feel like to leave I have to do that too but I can't so I just stay there until its either small enough that I don't have to say goodbye to everyone or a lot of people are leaving.

I found this article through a friend's post on facebook and wondered what your take on it would be.

http://www.sciencecodex.com/our_best_and_worst_moments_occur_within_soci...

When I think about my most intense emotional experiences the positive side would be: striking out into the world alone and realizing I am, in fact, able to do quite well (something I do alone) as well as things like seeing my mother again after months of being apart and having the chance to really re-connect with her (something I do that involves others.)

On the negative side though, I can much more easily find things that have to do with other people than things I do alone. I.E. Being in a room full of people I really don't enjoy, not feeling understood or accepted by my peers, realizing every interaction I have had with a stranger in the past week has been very negative, getting into stupid arguments with my sister that clearly have underlying issues that neither of us can pinpoint at the moment, etc.

I dunno, the study leaves something to be desired.

Thoughts? Anyone? Sorry to be so off-topic but when I read the article I immediately wondered what fellow introverts might think. Thanks!