Photo by Mayselgrove via Flickr (Creative Commons).
Some researchers speculate that the reason extroverts are happier is because social situations make everyone happy. Extroverts seeks out more social situations, therefore they are happier. OK. But still, I find myself rankling at statements like this, in the discussion section of one study: "...these results do suggest that the link between extraversion and happiness is not necessarily exclusive to extraverts. In fact, from these findings we can predict that if introverts could be enticed into participating in more social situations, they would experience similar levels of happiness as extraverts."
Yes, well maybe. I suppose we each have to weigh this for ourselves. As we've discussed here ad nauseam, introverts can get cranky after extrovert-level bouts of socializing. But the truth is, I also get gloomy after too much time alone. So sometimes, even if my gut inclination is to hole up, I approach socializing like I do broccoli. It's good for me even if I don't love it. (Although I do like socializing lots more than I do broccoli.)
Those times when an invitation is not a no-brainer "yes" or "no," I weigh the short- and long-term benefits of going and doing against my immediate urge to stay quietly at home.
I ask myself:
Is the invitation from someone I genuinely care about? If this person disappeared from my life forever, would I feel bad?
If this is someone important to me, does he or she need my presence for this event? (For example, I believe that friends go to friends' parties to offer moral support, even if we don't stay the whole time.) Is it time to get together with this person and reconnect? Would this person's feelings be genuinely hurt if I didn't show up? Will it benefit me in the long term to keep this relationship healthy?
Is the invitation something my partner cares about? Does he need my presence? Is it something I want to do as a gesture of love and solidarity?
Is the invitation from someone I hope to nurture from casual friend to intimate? That requires putting in the time, even when I don't feel like it.
Will the event be beneficial to career or personal goals?
Have I been in a hermit stretch? Is it time to just get out and soak in some stimulation?
Is this something I'm likely to genuinely enjoy once I get myself out there? (Sometimes, just getting off the couch is the biggest challenge.) Or is it something I only think I should enjoy?
Is this some kind of once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Or something I might regret tomorrow morning if I blow it off today?
Sure, we all want to assert our right to be loners, introverts, quiet homebodies. But we also need enough social interaction to be healthy and well-rounded. And so while we learn to say "no" sometimes when we feel pressured to say "yes," we also have to say "yes" sometimes when part of us is saying "no." As long as we are doing it for our own reasons and not simply to please others, it's good for us.
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Copyright Sophia Dembling 2010
