Although saddened, few of us are stunned when we hear that an escalating domestic violence situation led to murder. But what about the situation where the "nice guy next door", the suburban spouse with no history of violence or criminal involvement, kills?
Death: The Divorce Substitute
Unlike homicidal batterers, who are likely to kill out of rage or revenge when a spouse tries to leave, men in this category murder because, from their perspective, death is less complicated than a divorce.These are men who have something to lose - money, a carefully crafted reputation, or a dream life that they have concocted for themselves - and they're determined to keep what they have. Infamous examples include David Magraw, a real estate investor who strangled his wife, Nancy, in the living room of their Walpole home to avoid what may have been a six-figure divorce settlement and Dr. Dirk Greineder - a renowned Wellesley allergist who slit the throat of his wife, Mabel, to protect his secret sex life with prostitutes.
These men also share a narcissistic view of the world. Life is all about them, and what matters most is what they want and how they feel. Their image, their status, their assets; these are all much more important than another person and anything that threatens them - an unhappy spouse, a costly divorce, a custody battle - is simply unacceptable.
Ironically, many of these men have dark secrets (hidden lovers, questionable financial dealings), that could quickly tarnish their carefully polished public façade. These men will do anything to protect themselves, especially when the life they have carefully crafted for themselves begins to unravel. Rabbi Fred Neulander, for example, had his wife beaten to death to spare himself the notoriety of divorce.
Better Safe Than Sorry: Looking for Clues
Before she died, Julie Jensen told several people, including the police, that she was afraid that her husband was trying to kill her. In a letter she gave to a neighbor to give to law enforcement if she died, she said she would never commit suicide and "if anything happens to me, (my husband) would be my first suspect. "I pray I'm wrong ... but I am suspicious of Mark's suspicious behaviors," she added. Yet she didn't leave.
No one wants to believe that someone she once loved could, or would, kill her. Even women who have the scars to prove what damage her spouse's "love" can do often convince themselves they can manage threats on their own. In fact, research suggests that approximately half of domestic homicide victims minimized the risks posed and saw their partner as harassing and annoying, but not dangerous.
Imagine, then, how hard it could be to believe that your husband, an upstanding citizen of the community, would risk prison time to avoid child support payments. However, time and again, these killers do leave clues, even though it may require a private investigator to find them:
1. A hidden sex life. Defense attorneys at murder trials commonly say, "Just because so-and-so is guilty of cheating on his wife doesn't mean he's guilty of murdering her." True. But they often are. Affairs, visits to prostitutes, hours spent viewing porn (without allowing you to see what he's into) are all-too-common secrets that come out after a wife has gone missing.
2. Suspicious internet research. As easy as it is to check someone's browser, you'd think most wife murderers would do a better job of hiding their pre-homicidal planning. Not so. Scott Peterson researched Bay Area tides before dumping his wife's body in river. Neil Entwhistle looked up how to kill someone with a knife, while Jeff Cahill placed an internet order for potassium cyanide, which he subsequently used to poison his wife.
3: A large insurance policy taken out on the wife without her knowledge. Risky or impulsive business investments. A seriously dwindling bank account or tens of thousands of dollars of secret debt. All too often, these are the kinds of accounting disclosures that come to light during a murder trial. Money may not be the motive in most spouse murders, but it can certainly sweeten the pot.
The Bottom Line
Even the Scott Petersons of the world give warning signs. Perhaps the biggest red flag is being frightened of the husband you're with or the spouse you just left. Trust your gut and check them out. No, hiring a private investigator to spy on your husband isn't a very loving thing to do. But neither is murder.
