lbert Knapp, 1903. Dr. Carl Coppolino, 1965. Scott Peterson, 2002. These are all men convicted of murdering the one person they swore to love, honor and cherish.
But why? What does it take to turn marital bliss into murder? And, while most married folks have had the occasional homicidal fantasy in the heat of an argument, what kind of man would actually follows through?
Is There a Profile?
No, not really. Anyone who says he or she can accurately predict violence is overconfident at best. However, as one of my psychology professors used to say, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Murder almost always comes as an escalation of behavior that starts with psychological abuse and control.
Most wife killers are batterers who take their abuse to the extreme, usually when the wife tries to leave. However, not all risk factors leave bruises; and the more of these that are present, the more likely it is that you are in danger:
- Threats of violence. The husband who tells you he'd kill you if you ever cheated may not really mean it, but he's already using manipulation and fear to control you. And if he goes into detail as to how he'd do it, take him at his word.
- Use of drugs or alcohol. In the U.S., for example, about 2/3rds of the husbands who kill their wives ad been drinking at the time of the murder; 25% had been using drugs. Obviously, most substance users do not kill their wives. However, substance use may tip a violence-prone man over the edge.
- Access - to weapons and to you. Half of all women killed by their husbands are shot and 20% are stabbed. Obviously, previous use of weapons and/or threats to use them ups the ante.
- Intense controlling behavior. This is a man who thinks he owns his wife and is both obsessed with and, deep down, dependent on her. He's jealous and possessive. He may attempt to limit his wife's support system and/or spy on her friends and family.
- Manipulative use of suicide, such as "If you leave me, I'm going to kill myself." Threats of suicide by a man with a history of psychologically controlling partner should not be taken likely. Men commit most homicide/suicides; such coercive statements can be an indicator that he could seriously harm or murder family members, often before killing himself.
- Lack of appropriate emotions. This is a man who refuses to take any responsibility for his actions. At the merest suggestion of guilt, he "blames the victim." Neither does he have the capacity for empathy or compassion; in fact, not only does he not feel your pain, he wouldn't care even if he could.
- Unpredictable reactions. Men who batter, and ultimately kill, their wives often have a violent temper and react physically to stress and frustration. Batterers who murder their wives often have an escalating use of physical force to deal with problems or resolve conflicts prior to the homicide.
The Bottom Line
No one wants to believe that someone she once loved could, or would, kill her. Even women who have the scars to prove what damage her spouse's "love" can do often convince themselves they can manage threats on their own. In fact, research suggests that approximately half of domestic homicide victims minimized the risks posed and saw their partner as harassing and annoying, but not dangerous.
When it comes to spouse murder, there are no rules of certainty about when, or if, it will happen. There is, however, a growing body of knowledge that indicates a) most women who are murdered by their husbands have already been battered by them; b) the most dangerous time for a battered wife is when she tries to leave and c) without professional assistance from outside resources, her risk of being murdered escalates. It is just not enough to warn a potential victim that she is in danger; she needs help doing something about it.
