I’ve always had a heart for teenagers. I worked with them when I was in private practice and, despite dire warnings to the contrary (just wait till you have your own), I still like the rebellious (don’t tell me what to do), unpredictable (I’m not a child anymore, mom - but can you leave the hall light on) chaos of adolescence. Perhaps my own 15 year old reminds me that my own inner teen is never that far away.
Which is why I’m about to get on my soapbox. Teens need us.
Teens Need Mentors
In fact, two findings from a national study show us just how much. For all teen students, having an adult mentor meant a 50 percent greater likelihood of attending college. For disadvantaged students, mentorship, especially by a teacher, nearly doubled the odds of attending college. Not surprisingly, youth who need mentors the most are least likely to have them; less than half of disadvantaged students report having any adult mentor and only seven percent had a mentoring relationship with a teacher.
Need further proof? In the statistical analysis of 14,000 adolescents who participated in the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, mentors were pivotal in helping students make the jump to college. The percentage of college-attending students whose parents didn’t finish high school jumped from 35 percent to 66 percent when one of the teen’s teachers served as a personal mentor.
Mentors: No Substitute for Mom or Dad (But a Big Bonus)
Certainly, some teens need us more than others. However, I believe every teen needs a relationship with an adult she trusts – one who isn’t Mom or Dad. Ask my sister; some of the best conversations my sister had about growing up were with her best friend’s mother.
Let’s face it; no matter how good our communication is with our adolescents, there are things they will not and cannot tell us. One of the biggest gifts we parents can give is to point our child toward a trustworthy role model - - an aunt, a cousin, a grandmother, a Girl Scout leader, a teacher, a friend, or some other responsible caring adult.
How to Mentor a Teenager: No Rocket Science Required
The most important thing a mentor can do is to listen and to lead by example. She isn't there to judge, preach, or condemn. In fact, comments from the 14,000 teenagers we talked about earlier suggest that being involved and treating the young person as an important human being were the most appreciated – and most valuable – benefits of their relationship with a mentor.
We don’t have to do anything extraordinary to have an extraordinary impact.
