Hi Sarah,

I was thinking the same and ironically your wrote about it too....can you read my mind? I think you can! But it is so frightening for me from two perspectives: (1) I lost a girlfriend through a drunk driver....but he was "functioning" fine when he left the party; (2) I go to a wedding and several 4th celebrations this weekend and what will happen? Peope will use the celebrations as excuses to drink...and some will get into their cars and drive...or attempt to....and I pray no one dies by their irresponsible behaviors. One other thought: Am I the only one who thinks it is immature to drink and get drunk? I asked some students recently and they thought I was "nuts" asking it. But it always meant to me, drinking, that is: hurt, horror, harm, harassment, humiliation, and heartache.

Any way, I am so grateful for all you do Sarah and for enlightening so many throughout the world. I admire you immensely.

Best always and thank you!

Prof. Robert Burns

talkcoach@att.net
http://www.roberteburns.com

Thank you for raising the issue of HFAs. Although we have come far over the last decade in removing the stigma around alcoholism, there is still a great deal of shame and misconception about what an alcoholic is. For many, the term still conjures up images of dirty unshaven men shuffling around in tattered clothing clutching a paper bag covered bottle. We forget that there are plenty of alcoholics with jobs, mortgages, and families. The point you make so well is that alcoholism is an internal construct. It's a disease that impacts how a person processes alcohol and his or her emotions. It doesn't discriminate on race, gender, or socio-economic class.

I appreciate your comments and agree that there is still a stigma that surrounds alcoholism. However, it is through increased awareness and beginning a dialogue about high-functioning alcoholics that the stereotype of the "dirty unshaven men shuffling around int tattered clothing clutching a paper bag covered bottle" will start to change. As you said so well, alcoholism does NOT discriminate, and what it means to be alcoholic depends on what happens to you internally when you drink alcohol, not what you look like on the outside.

This is a horrible thing to say, but there is no such thing as a "meaningful" holiday anymore. And life in general and the people that make up this world are every reason to drink or numb yourself, however that may be, to just to survive another day and breathe

It sounds like drinking has been a solution for the way that you feel about life in general. The unfortunate truth about using alcohol to "numb yourself" is that when you sober up, you are left with the same problems that existed before (in addition to a hangover). Turning to alcohol as the solution compounds the issues going on in our lives- it is only a quick fix.

However, there is hope and if you would like to get help, see a therapist or attend a recovery program group near you, then please feel free to email me at sarah@highfunctioningalcoholic.com

Therapy is not necessarily going to change things in your life, but it can help you to perceive situations from a different perspective. I encourage you to continue on in therapy and to consider other forms of self-care such as getting regular sleep, exercise, relaxation, etc. If you are not feeling that your mood is improving and that you are on the "edge", it is important to articulate these thoughts to your therapist so that you can figure out the best treatment plan.

Great post. One of the greatest, if slow-to-develop, benefits of recovery for me has been the opportunity to learn more about my social tendencies and preferences, and to hone my skills according to that knowledge. I never gave myself the opportunity to learn such things early on, because I always drank at social events. Even though I rarely blacked out or caused any "incidents", etc, I still wasn't reaping the full benefits of social functions.

I've since learned that, as it turns out, I can be pretty outgoing without drinking, even at parties where there's alcohol (though I attend such functions less than I used to). I better remember the people I meet, have more intelligent conversations and make better impressions, I can process those little nuances that allow me to position myself such that I have the most fun (e.g. this person's a leech, must get away, or, I need to circulate more). Most importantly, I learned how to be patient in the moments I get uncomfortable (and I always do at some point), because it often passes. If it doesn't pass after a while, or if I honestly decide I'm just not having fun, I give myself license to leave.

In short, I'm not as "wild" as I used to be, but I can still let go, and I get a lot more out of social functions than I used to.

But I have to say Sarah, even in recovery, I am ALWAYS anxious for the ceremony to end and the cocktail hour to start, because a club soda with lime isn't nearly so boring as the same long, windy treatise on the sacredness of marriage for the umpteenth time --- blah, blah, blah, blah just say "I do" already!

I enjoy your blog but hope you talk about how Depression is the reason for addictions. Sincerely,David