As one who first lost a father and then a brother to alcohol addiction, I almost never approach a glass of beer or wine without thinking about whether I am on a slippery slope of progression toward abuse.

HFA?...I'm not there (yet?). I see people all around me -- some close to me -- who could very well be in various stages of dependence or addiction. None has outwardly suffered, professionally or socially; the signs are there nevertheless.

For much of my adult life I rarely drank. Then at some point 16 or so years ago a wine cooler became a staple at dinner. Then my wife and I discovered craft beer and developed an appreciation for the complexities of good wine. We found ourselves eagerly anticipating the weekly wine tasting at a local wine store and looking for excuses every week or so to be in the neighborhood of the tap room of an across-town brewery.

We enjoy "Cheers"-style companionship of and conversations with others at these events. No one seems to become (at least outwardly) intoxicated. Still...

Perhaps many of us are in some form of denial that we, in control though we may be, are in reality at a point along a continuum toward greater alcohol dependence.

In my father's case, the slope was steep and slippery; the bottom came quickly and decisively. In others -- I'm including others who could be high-functioning alcohol dependent and possibly myself -- the slope may be insidiously slight and the journey long. Thank you for increasing my awareness of this problem.

Test that Denial........... As a HFA myself, I had to experiment with social drinking before knowing for sure that I was an alcoholic. When I first sought professional help, I was encouraged to abstain for 30 days. I didn't do that, but I did successfully cut back to a glass or two of wine a week. I felt really good...for a while...but after about 3 months of this, old patterns re-emerged and pretty soon I was back to my same old 3+ drinks/night on the nights I drank. Luckily I recognized that it was easier to not drink altogether on any given night than to try and limit myself to one drink, and am now a recovering HFA.

Peace and well wishes to those who are wondering about whether or not this alcohol is a problem for them.

I too spent time trying to control my drinking and failing. This turned out to be a gift in that it allowed me to see that I needed to get sober. "If you have to control something then it is out of control"

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has a new online program called "Rethinking Drinking" that can help individuals to assess their drinking and set up goals in order to cut back on drinking. If these individuals are unable to adhere to their drinking goals, then it is a clear sign that they need further help or to get sober. This program can be found at: http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/

More online screening tools can be found on my Website at www.highfunctioningalcoholic.com

In my opinion men with alcoholism are more common than women. One of my ex boyfriends was denying his drinking problems, and every time i tried to talk to him about it he used to say that all this was my imagination, and that he drinks on special occasions only and he can stop from drinking whenever he wants. I believed him, but in time his drinking problem got worse,and he started to drink almost every time when we were together. We had many fights one this theme and in the end all my love for him vanished.

You are correct, there are more men who suffer from alcoholism than women. In fact, there are 9.5 million male alcoholism in the U.S. and 2.5 million women alcoholics.

Denial is powerful and both male and female alcoholics may try to justify their drinking. It is unfortunate that your boyfriend did not get help for his alcoholism, as it seems that alcoholism took over the man who you loved, leading your feeling for him to slip away.