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Happiness interview: Piper Kerman.
I'd heard a lot about Piper Kerman's book, Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women's Prison, even before I bought my copy. I was intrigued with her story: more than ten years after agreeing to deliver a large cash payment for a drug ring, she ended up spending a year in a minimum-security prison. I was fascinated to hear what she had to say about happiness -- and how to find happiness in difficult circumstances.
Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Piper: Cooking. I find the combination of the measured steps of creating a meal, along with the opportunity for experimentation and novelty, to always result in happiness – and a concrete outcome! And when I’m in cooking mode, I listen to one radio show, Little Steven’s Underground Garage. When my husband comes home and hears that show blasting through the computer, he knows he’ll find me in a good mood, creating something delicious.
What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
That happiness is intrinsically tied up in one’s relationships with others, not “standalone” achievements. Even one’s individual triumphs only mean something in relation to other people.
Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Procrastinating – I’m the worst! It’s an irrational behavior, but I’ve been a terrible procrastinator as long as I can remember.
Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”)
The last chapter of my book, Orange is the New Black, is called “It Can Always Get Worse,” and at a very difficult point when I was a prisoner this was a daily mantra – intended to ward off the worst! While this may sound very negative, in truth it reminds me to appreciate the positive that’s to be found even in awful circumstances, and be grateful for what’s good in every day. Concentrating on the positive is essential for me.
If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
Taking a walk always helps dispel melancholy. Freedom to move is very important to me.
Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness? When people have the opportunity to contribute and collaborate, they feel powerful, important, and worthy. When they’re isolated from others, they feel the opposite. I think that people who feel that they have a lot to offer, a lot to give, are the most happy.
Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy – if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
When facing incarceration I hit some tremendous lows; I spent almost six years waiting to go to prison, never knowing when in fact it would happen, and that was a very isolating, helpless period of my life. The combination of the guilt and shame of becoming an outcast, coupled with having no control over what was going to happen in my life was very, very dark.
What’s surprising, even shocking, was that I became much happier when I started serving my sentence. Prisons are horrible places, very sad places, and yet many of the other women I met in prison became a source of great hope and happiness for me. Surviving a difficult, intense experience together with others can form profound bonds, and I and many other prisoners were determined to discover or create something good in a place that is explicitly intended to be miserable.
We would do this in simple ways: running on the prison’s small gravel track, practicing yoga with other prisoners, cooking, expressing creativity in small ways. To find moments of happiness in prison is an important act of defiance and a declaration of humanity.
Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t – or vice versa?
I just had a baby – something I was frankly ambivalent about – and while I fully expected to love my son, it is surprising how happy you can be to pick up a screaming baby at 3AM.
* Is your book group reading The Happiness Project? I've prepared a one-page discussion guide for book groups, as well as a guide tailored for church groups, prayer circles, spirituality book groups, and the like. If you'd like either discussion guide (or both), email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com. (Don't forget the "1.")
