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The Friendship Doctor

Send in your friendship questions and quandaries and get expert answers and solutions

Friends
Can a mentor be a friend? Sometimes---but not always

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on May 4, 2011

When I was her student she invited me to her house to help me study. I thought it was kind of odd and crossing boundaries but I needed help in the class so I went. The way she had looked at me deeply in the eyes and asked me if I wanted help gave me some sort of "vibe".

When I was her student she invited me to her house to help me study. I thought it was kind of odd and crossing boundaries but I needed help in the class so I went. The way she had looked at me deeply in the eyes and asked me if I wanted help gave me some sort of "vibe".

Friends
Kickin' It Up a Notch: Julia Child's Recipe for Best Friends

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on May 3, 2011

Like many close friendships, the one between Julia Child and Avis DeVoto was borne of serendipity. These two women met across the miles (in an era long before Facebook or LinkedIn) yet formed an instant bond-curiously, over a sharp carbon steel knife.

Like many close friendships, the one between Julia Child and Avis DeVoto was borne of serendipity. These two women met across the miles (in an era long before Facebook or LinkedIn) yet formed an instant bond-curiously, over a sharp carbon steel knife.

Friends
Balancing Act: Family, Friends, and Holiday Invitations

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on May 2, 2011

My husband and I have been close friends with another family for three to four years and we feel hurt by recent events. Short background: Both families have kids the same age; kids are friends; kids are in the same school; we're neighbors and members of the same religious community.

My husband and I have been close friends with another family for three to four years and we feel hurt by recent events. Short background: Both families have kids the same age; kids are friends; kids are in the same school; we're neighbors and members of the same religious community.

Relationships
Managing relationships with 'friend-in-laws'

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on April 20, 2011

I have a friend who I have been close to for 11 years. About eight years ago, I met her husband's brother and fell in love. We are now married. At first this seemed great, my best friend was becoming my sister-in-law!

I have a friend who I have been close to for 11 years. About eight years ago, I met her husband's brother and fell in love. We are now married. At first this seemed great, my best friend was becoming my sister-in-law!

Friends
Friends: From almost-sisters to almost-strangers

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on April 13, 2011

My best friend of 18 years always called me "the sister she never had". We live in the same city and used to talk on the phone at least 5 to 10 times a day and got together frequently.

My best friend of 18 years always called me "the sister she never had". We live in the same city and used to talk on the phone at least 5 to 10 times a day and got together frequently.

Friends
Surprise! She's Back...

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on April 8, 2011

I was introduced to my husband by my good friend. She was dating his best friend at the time. She and her boyfriend broke up, but we continued to be friends until I stopped hearing from her. She has always been bad about keeping in touch but specifically told me that she appreciated that I continued to make the effort because she valued my friendship.

I was introduced to my husband by my good friend. She was dating his best friend at the time. She and her boyfriend broke up, but we continued to be friends until I stopped hearing from her. She has always been bad about keeping in touch but specifically told me that she appreciated that I continued to make the effort because she valued my friendship.

Friends
Legacy friends: Deciding whether they're keepers

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on April 5, 2011

My best friend from college (who later was my maid of honor) and I had a fall out three years ago. After 13 years of friendship, she completely shut down and stopped speaking to me. My moving out of state, her moving to another state, my having a baby, and her career taking off all converged into a perfect storm triggering the split.

My best friend from college (who later was my maid of honor) and I had a fall out three years ago. After 13 years of friendship, she completely shut down and stopped speaking to me. My moving out of state, her moving to another state, my having a baby, and her career taking off all converged into a perfect storm triggering the split.

Friends
Can't we all play nicely? Not always

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on April 1, 2011

I've put myself in a very complicated situation. My best friend dated a man for several years that I did not approve of. It took me a long time to accept and tolerate him. Eventually they broke up but not before he wedged himself into our group of friends.

I've put myself in a very complicated situation. My best friend dated a man for several years that I did not approve of. It took me a long time to accept and tolerate him. Eventually they broke up but not before he wedged himself into our group of friends.

Friends
Apologies pave the way for second chances

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on March 30, 2011

My best friend Lila started hanging out with this other girl Jenny. At first the three of us were friends. Then Jenny offered to take Lila on a cruise. The next month, the two of them were always together, talking about me and spreading rumors behind my back.

My best friend Lila started hanging out with this other girl Jenny. At first the three of us were friends. Then Jenny offered to take Lila on a cruise. The next month, the two of them were always together, talking about me and spreading rumors behind my back.

Friends
Secrets: Should you tell your friend her husband's been unfaithful?

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on March 28, 2011

I've been burdened with the knowledge that the husband of one of my closest friends was unfaithful to her. They have two very young children (one 3 years old and the other 6 months). I am certain that she is not aware of the incident. And I have known about it for several months, debating on what I should do about it.

I've been burdened with the knowledge that the husband of one of my closest friends was unfaithful to her. They have two very young children (one 3 years old and the other 6 months). I am certain that she is not aware of the incident. And I have known about it for several months, debating on what I should do about it.

Relationships
Love my friend---not her problem child

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on March 18, 2011

My husband and I are good friends with a couple and enjoy their company. However, they have a 5-year-old child who is completely unmanageable. He is mean to my daughter, violent toward other kids, loud, and demanding.

My husband and I are good friends with a couple and enjoy their company. However, they have a 5-year-old child who is completely unmanageable. He is mean to my daughter, violent toward other kids, loud, and demanding.

Forgiveness
Grief complicated by the loss of a best friend

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on March 16, 2011

Dear Irene,

My best friend and I had a major falling out 4½ years ago shortly after the death of my two-year-old son. At the time I was so deep in grief and my judgment so impaired that I did not apologize for behavior on my part that led to our breakup.

Dear Irene,

My best friend and I had a major falling out 4½ years ago shortly after the death of my two-year-old son. At the time I was so deep in grief and my judgment so impaired that I did not apologize for behavior on my part that led to our breakup.

Friends
Friendships take two....even toxic ones

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on March 14, 2011

Hi Dr. Levine,...I am in a long-term friendship that is so far gone, I don' t even know where to begin.My basic problem is that this friend has no boundaries and no one else in her life so she relies on me for everything.

Hi Dr. Levine,...I am in a long-term friendship that is so far gone, I don' t even know where to begin.My basic problem is that this friend has no boundaries and no one else in her life so she relies on me for everything.

Friends
Middle school is tough on friendships

Irene S Levine Ph.D. on March 10, 2011

Dear Irene,My best friend and I have been best friends since the first grade. Now we're in middle school. This new charter school opened up and my friend wants to go there even though I'm not and she's turning into a real jerk.

Dear Irene,My best friend and I have been best friends since the first grade. Now we're in middle school. This new charter school opened up and my friend wants to go there even though I'm not and she's turning into a real jerk.