The Friendship Doctor

Send in your friendship questions and quandaries and get expert answers and solutions.

by Irene S. Levine, Ph.D.

What Should I Say to a Friend with Body Odor?

You may be the logical person to deliver the message

Published on July 19, 2011 by Irene S. Levine, Ph.D. in The Friendship Doctor

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

I have a friend who has really let herself go. She hasn't had a job in over a year and doesn't leave her house that much. When she does, she smells so badly that more than five people have said something to me.

It's becoming embarrassing for me to bring her anywhere and I don't know how to tell her because she is already emotional and depressed. Please help.

Signed,

Suzy

ANSWER

Hi Suzy,

If five people have come to YOU, it sounds like you are a good friend to this woman and the logical person to deliver the message with kindness. Your friend's body odor may be a symptom of a health problem, her lack of self-care, or a combination of the two.

As a friend, you might want to help her address two of her problems: her depression and her alienating body odor. In terms of the depression, your role is to help her get professional help if she hasn't already done so. There are a number of previous posts on my blog about how to help a friend with depression (see links below). I would also suggest you relay your concerns about her depression to one of her close family members.

Find a Therapist

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In terms of the more immediate problem, you simply need to speak to her as kindly as you can. Tell her that she may not be aware but you've noticed that her body has had an unpleasant odor the last several times you've been together. There's no need to tell her that others are talking about it; that would only be embarrassing. Remind her that it is important that she shower and use deodorant before you go out together. Explain that you understand that it may be hard for her to do this as depressed as she is, but doing so will help her socially, on the job front, and help her feel better about herself. Your friend may not realize she smells badly, in which case she will be very grateful. Or she may get offended initially but hopefully, she'll get over it.

Hope this helps.

My best,

Irene

Prior posts on The Friendship Blog about helping a friend with depression:

Psych 101: When a close friend is depressed

Is it friendship anxiety or depression?

When a close friend is depressed

Depression, loneliness and friendship

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Tags: blog, body odor, combination of the two, depressed friend, depression, family members, friend, friendship, friendship advice, good friend, health problem, helping someone with depression, irene, job, kindness, nbsp, self care, self-care, several times, with depression

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Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., is a psychologist and professor of psychiatry at the NYU School of Medicine. Her latest book is Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend.

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