QUESTION
Hi Irene,
I am a 60-year-old widow; my husband passed away in 2006. After that I lived with my daughter and her family until she decided that it was time for me to make my own life again. So I returned to Scotland to be close to my other daughter and my grandchild.
I have my own flat here, have found a part-time job, and have a lapdog that I love. My son and his partner are getting married in three months. Her family lives in South Africa so they're getting married there. They've paid my airfare so I can be at the wedding but because it's so expensive, no one else from my family can attend and I'll be there alone.
I am so afraid because I'll know no one except my son and his partner. I've never heard of a wedding where only the mother of the groom represents her family and this is truly stressing me out.
I feel so alone most times now. I really would love to make friends but am finding it impossible. Everyone already has friends and family---and has no need to be friendly with me. I enjoy my work but I can't even afford to go to the movies. My children don't even phone me every week because they're too busy with their own families and friends. I miss my husband so much and never once thought I would be alone at this time in my life. I need advice please.
Signed,
Robin
ANSWER
Dear Robin,
No one can ever be prepared for loss as tragic as losing a spouse. It is sudden and unexpected, altering the life you once knew. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's great that you've settled in your own apartment and have a part-time job---and that you understand your family needs to lead their own lives, too.
About the wedding: Yes, it would be much nicer if you were able to be with your husband as you watch your son get married. But I'm sure you feel grateful that your son and daughter-to-be want you there with them, and have found a way to pay the expense. As mother of the groom, you have a special role in this wedding and shouldn't worry about feeling out of place. People will want to meet you and it will be your opportunity to meet the bride's family and friends. Try to focus on enjoying the wedding and the trip, both of which will be over before you know it but will leave you with new memories.
About your loneliness: It's understandable that the upcoming festivities and the trip are exacerbating your feelings of being alone. But there are other people---single, married and widowed---who want to meet new friends just as much as you do. When all the excitement (and anxiety) of the wedding is over, make a promise to yourself that you'll focus on making new friends. Below are several posts that offer ideas on how to go about it (many of them are no-cost or low-cost).
Have a good time at the wedding!
My best wishes,
Irene
Other posts by The Friendship Doctor about Making New Friends:
