Like many close friendships, the one between Julia Child and Avis DeVoto was borne of serendipity. These two women met across the miles (in an era long before
Facebook or LinkedIn) yet formed an instant bond-curiously, over a sharp carbon steel knife.
By 1952, Julia and her husband Paul had been living in Paris for three and a half years. He was a diplomat assigned to the United States Information Agency in Paris. While they were there, Julia fell in love with classical French cooking and enrolled at the legendary Le Cordon Bleu to study with master chefs.
She also joined an exclusive women's club, called Le Cercle des Gourmette, where she and two other members hatched the idea of starting an informal cooking school for American women living in Paris. These small steps would ultimately lead to the publication of 10 books and 329 television shows, establishing Julia's iconic status in culinary history.
But well before Julia had legions of admirers of her own, she wrote a fan letter to Bernard DeVoto, a noted author and historian in Cambridge Massachusetts, who was also a respected columnist for Harper's Magazine. An article DeVoto had written about the disappointing performance of stainless steel kitchen knives in America captured her interest. The budding chef strongly agreed with his contention that the knives failed to maintain their cutting edge. Along with her letter of several paragraphs, she sent him a small carbon paring knife from Paris and offered to purchase others if he liked it. The letter began like this:
Dear Mr. de Voto:
Your able diatribe against the beautiful-beautiful-rust-proof-edge-proof American kitchen knife so went to my heart that I cannot refrain from sending you this little nice French model as a token of appreciation...
Avis DeVoto typically handled much of her busy husband's correspondence so she was the one who wrote back to this stranger, at some length, confessing her own interest in cooking and cutlery. Her gracious and engaging response kindled a remarkable correspondence that continued until 1961, the same year the first volume of Mastering the Art of French Cooking was published. Over nine years, between 1952 and 1961, the two women wrote 400 letters to each other - lengthy ones by today's standards, in which a growing number of people communicate in tweets of 140-characters or less.
Julia and Avis met in person for the first time in Paris, two years and 120 letters after they first became acquainted. Over that time period, their relationship had gone from one of being total strangers to intimate soul mates. This transformation is especially relevant today when people question whether virtual friends we meet through the internet and social media can become real ones.
For three decades, these letters remained sealed in the Schlesinger Library in Cambridge, Massachusetts. But in her book, As Always, Julia (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2010) culinary historian and biographer Joan Reardon has carefully curated and edited this treasure trove of personal correspondence, one that Julia and Avis probably never dreamed would be made public or would interest anyone else.
The letters provide the backstory for the long path leading to the publication of Child's groundbreaking cookbook and offer an unparalleled window into the culture and history of the 50s and 60s, especially as experienced by women. As importantly, the tête-à-tête between two articulate, intelligent, and sophisticated women proffers insight into the essential ingredients of a long and intimate friendship.
Here are some of the lessons about best friends that can be distilled from Julia and Avis's letters:
• The relationship between two best friends eludes precise definition
Talking to someone who is best-friend-worthy is almost effortless, like the friendship that blossomed between Julia and Avis. Avis wrote to Julia: "I feel that I can communicate more readily and freely with you than anyone in the world." When two women truly connect, it's almost as if they can communicate in code and they rarely run out of things to say. And if they do run out, they feel perfectly comfortable being silent, as in a comfortable marriage.
When I surveyed more than 1500 women for my book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend (Overlook, 2009) to find out what made women best friends, a large number of them repeated the same phrase, "We just clicked." This was true with Julia and Avis. After Avis's first note, banter came easily and the two were never at a loss for words.
Although both women were married (Avis had children while Julia didn't), they both cherished having a close friend apart from their husbands. Women can talk more easily to each other than they can to men on a host of subjects and Julia and Avis' letters bear testimony. They had frank discussions covering aging, girdles, Kinsey's research on sex, and the then risqué novel Peyton Place.
• Best friends can trust each other
Friendships need nurturance. There is always the risk of divulging too much information---TMI---too soon. But if someone is so private that she doesn't share parts of herself, it can create an impenetrable barrier preventing friends from getting close. Appropriately, the first letters between Julia and Avis are more formal and focus on cookery.
Over time, however, the two women begin to reveal more intimate details about their lives, including problems Avis was having with one of her sons, Gordon. She admitted he was a "difficult child," and a cause of concern to both his parents. Women who are close are able to share feelings, be forthright, and admit that life isn't always perfect. Julia wrote: "...it is lovely to be perfectly at ease, and to be able to discuss anything at all, and may it ever remain so!"
When Julia sent Avis her still preliminary cookbook manuscript for review, she pleaded with her: "And please be frank and brutal." She knew she ran a risk by sharing recipes that might be pilfered but by then Julia had sufficient trust in her friend's judgment and discretion. Similarly, Avis was comfortable giving her honest critique.
• Shared interests create strong ties between friends
Whether writing in longhand or typing on onionskin paper that slowly meandered across the ocean, these two extraordinary women conversed about publishing, politics and world events. Because they shared a passion for cooking, they exchanged recipes, cooking techniques, and tips about tools. They also mailed each other little gifts or items hard to find on one continent or the other. Even far apart, they were often in each other's thoughts.
Julia wrote: "How nice it is that one can come to know someone just through correspondence and become a really passionate friend." There was ongoing chatter about parties, get-togethers, and people they both knew - tossed in with some juicy gossip about notable people. Through the constant exchange of information, they developed a shared history that became a strong foundation for the friendship.
• Best friends support, encourage and console each other
Avis was one person that Julia was able to vent to about low advances, sloppy copyediting, contentious co-authors, and indecisive publishers (things of the past, of course). Without Avis's encouragement, Julia might have given up her dream of ever completing the book. At one point, when she was particularly discouraged, Julia wrote her: "We must accept the fact that this may well be a book unacceptable to any publisher, as it requires work on the part of the reader. NOBODY has ever wanted to publish ANY of our recipes in any publication whatsoever thus far."
