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QUESTION
Dear Irene,
I am six months pregnant, and moved to my current city 2½ years ago. I hadn't had a chance to tell all my friends yet (many of whom are spread throughout the country), so I sent a "Happy Valentine's Day" message to them, informing them of our impending family member, and asking them to "send good thoughts our way towards the end of June."
I received lovely congratulations from some friends, but three of them, who work at the company I used to work for, have not responded. I am stunned. I had heard from two of them a week before about a work-related matter. I received a "thank you" from the third for the birthday wishes I sent her. All three of these people were invited (and came) to our wedding, and one of them was in it, so it's not as if we were merely "work" acquaintances.
Or were we? I certainly didn't ask for gifts, and I thought it better to tell my friends now so they didn't hurt their feelings and feel like I was leaving them out. So where did I go wrong?
Signed,
Lexi
ANSWER
Dear Lexi,
Congratulations! This has to be one of the most exciting times in a woman's life and it's natural that you would want to share this news with good friends.
A few thoughts:
You wrote to me only five days after Valentine's Day so I think you need to give people a chance to respond. They may be busy, away from work, or even may not have had time to open your message let alone respond. There may be a note or card from them in the mail, they may be planning to call, or they may feel like they want to wait for the baby's arrival.
I don't know whether you texted or emailed your friends, or whether you sent individual messages or one message to the group, but it might be nice to follow up with a phone call, which is so much more personal.
Although I can understand how you feel, bear in mind that you may be overly sensitive right now. This lapse shouldn't throw your whole friendship into question.
You certainly didn't do anything wrong and so far, neither did they. I hope you'll write back to me in a month or two and let me know what's happened and if you still feel disappointed in your friends. I suspect things may turn around.
Wishing you good luck and happiness,
Irene
Other posts on The Friendship Blog that touch upon pregnancy and friendship:
The mother divide: Friends with children and friends without
