The Friendship Doctor

My mother is very similar to the example in this post. She is by nature a cynical person and assumes that friends are looking to get something without giving anything. I am the opposite, however, in that I have fostered many different kinds of friendships in my lifetime. Some, very deep and enduring, others, superficial and fleeting. I am an introvert, which I think comes from my mother, however, I choose to use the energy I get from being alone to foster connections with other people.

My advice is similar to Irene's. Walk into every relationship looking for what you can give the other person; a funny story, an interesting fact, or maybe even a smile. It helps you think about your new friend and less about your own hang ups.

You'll find that even those of us who are introverted and need solitary time, can make connections with anyone who crosses our path. Good luck!

Dear Dr. Irene,

Thank you for this article. I have a quandary that I am unsure how to solve. Because I have abandonment issues from early childhood, and have subsequently spent a lot of time alone, I now realize that I am scared to form friendships with women. I have a few close friends; yet I feel socially inept making friends with women because I don't have a lot in common with most of them; and I also feel socially inept and rather naive about the catiness of women, and feel that maybe I am too needy.

Now that I am a mother to young girls, how do I overcome these barriers in order to teach them how to make friends and to be good friend, when I am lacking knowledge and experience myself?

Sincerely,
Concerned for my children's sake.

Being shy myself, I found some useful advice in this charming little book:

http://www.artoffriendship.com/