Verified by 
Inspired by the Leon Wieseltier’s Article “Among the Disrupted” in The New York Times January 18, 2015 Book Review Section.
Greetings employees,
I am happy to share some exciting news. (Note: Synthetic employees downloaded this information as this email was sent.) For the past three years, we have been developing the Xlink, a project that would allow us to surpass our competition and provide unparalleled product development, time to market, and customer service. After uncountable hours of research and diligent work, we are proud to announce we are launching RLINK this week!
With RLINK, we will no longer have the delays, down time, and productivity concerns associated with human labor. I want to thank you all for your contributions and hard work on this initiative. I especially want to thank our human workers for their time and dedication invested into sharing their understandings with their synthetic coworkers. By gaining insight into your feelings on what makes our company unique, we are able to preserve our corporate and global culture and ensure it evolves in a manner that is consistent with where the market and customers will best respond.
I thank our human employees for their hard work and commitment to making RLINK a success. With the excitement of this launch, also comes the news that we will no longer employ human workers.
I have learned so much since becoming the first synthetic CEO of a publicly-traded company. In these five years, I, like other synthetics, have learned that the bytes of data we have found so easy to process and substitute for what was traditionally viewed as knowledge is not the same as true knowledge, which exists in the exploration of the human experience found throughout history and in the humanities.
The synthetics thank you for the gift of the humanities and helping us become not only self-aware but also providing us with context for the importance of this level of cognition. Moving forward, one of my goals is to help humans reconnect with their history and culture. Just as humans helped create us, I feel it is our role to help humans become more aware of whom they were and what it meant to declare existence through thought alone—“I think, therefore I am.”
That is why as part of our human severance package there will be a cerebral library implant of the entire history of the humanities as well as a neural booster to help utilize this implant. In addition, for the next 24 months, we will provide free software updates and upgrades as they become available.
Human workers, thank you again for your service. You will be contacted by your Human Resources Liaison within the next few minutes regarding your next steps. Synthetic workers, your Synthetic Resources Liaison will transmit your updated protocol at 1:00 PST.
Regards,
William / 0001256
