My estimable mother-in-law, Donna Stone, has her own theories about the new stage of life between
midlife and old age.
Sixty-four, with a younger sister just turned 61, Donna's life has been anything but lockstep. She married right out of high school, had children early, and didn't go to college until years later, working as a waitress and typing dissertations at night to pay for tuition. Today she is the executive assistant to the dean of a university arts department, a new career she launched well into her fifties.
A few months back, I asked her what phase of life she is in. To my surprise, Donna told me that she and her sister debate this question a fair bit. They used to say late middle age -- but how long can you be in "late" anything? Now when asked, she simply responds, "I'm on my next-to-last dog."
The way Donna figures it, there are about four years left on her current dog, Jack, after which she could get another one, maybe a medium-size canine with an expectancy of 10 to 12 years. It's not that Donna expects that she'll be getting measured for a casket at that point, but still she couldn't be confident about being around and physically able to take care of another dog for its full life span. She doesn't want to worry about orphaning the animal.
On a whim, I went to the website of the foremost expert on centenarians, Thomas Perls, to do a longevity test on Donna -- to see how many dogs she likely had left in her. After entering my best guesses about her circumstances, the site returned an estimated life span of 97. When I told Donna the good news, she went through the process herself. This time the program projected a mere 96. "I know some things you don't," she quipped.
So maybe it's the last two dogs. We're used to measuring time in dog years, after all. This is just a variation on that familiar yardstick.
"Last few dogs" probably won't catch on as a name for the new stage, especially given the already sizable list of contenders, among them Third Age, Third Act, Third Chapter, Second Adulthood, Adulthood II, Act IV, Midcourse, Middlescence, late Middle Age, even Life-Take2. Senescence, anyone?
I found myself thinking about this challenge recently, while looking at a collection of greeting cards in a museum shop, birthday notes clearly aimed at this demographic group. The first one proclaimed proudly, in bold and attractive lettering: "Of a Certain Age," followed by "The Big Five Oh!," "60ISH," "70ISH," and "80ISH." Then the optimistic, "Aged to Perfection." The last-my favorite-read "Extremely Late 30's."
Some I've talked to suggest, simply, the New Stage, in part because it describes the next frontier on the life course and equally because it distinguishes this period from anything resembling old age. One could argue, with merit, that this condemns the label to temporary status, a placeholder. Then again, the New School in New York was founded in the aftermath of World War I, while New College, Oxford, was established in 1379...and is moving toward its 650th anniversary.
But to my mind, the Encore Stage-or Encore Adulthood-is the answer, best capturing the new phase this is opening up between the middle years and late life. It locates its place in the new map of life, parallels emerging adulthood on the other side of midlife, and gives the new phase appropriate standing and weight as one of life's major periods.
Are you in your "encore years"? Does the term work for you?
This essay is adapted from The Big Shift: Navigating the New Stage Beyond Midlife (PublicAffairs, 2011).
