The Dance of Connection

Rescuing women and men from the quicksand of difficult relationships.

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is best known for her work on marital and family relationships and the psychology of women. Her books include The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Fear. See full bio

April 8, 2009

The Clean Plate Club

My sister and I were proud members of “The Clean Plate Club,” and we were told to consider the starving children around the world if we even hesitated over the last bite of mashed potatoes. Imagine my shock when a friend report that, in her home, she had to leave something on her plate after each meal for “Mr. Manners” to demonstrate restraint and a lack of gluttony.
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April 6, 2009

Your Dysfunctional Family

Families are not fair and we don't choose the one we are born or adopted into. Today a family is what most people are in recovery from. What is a functional family, anyway? Why doesn't yours match up?

Here are three key elements of "the functional family". Read More

March 28, 2009

Therapy for a Dollar, Part 2

My mother's penchant for putting me in therapy (she got it for a dollar) before I was three was surely a factor in my career choice, not that I had a jolly good time there, mind you. Read More

March 28, 2009

Therapy For a Dollar, Part I

I was born at Brooklyn Jewish Hospital on November 30, 1944. Less than five years later, before finishing kindergarten, I decided to become a clinical psychologist, a decision I never veered from. Perhaps my early career choice had something to do with the fact that my mother put me in therapy before the age of three. Read More

Books by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

The Dance of Intimacy

The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate

The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self

The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life

The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships

Women in Therapy

Franny B. Kranny, There's a Bird in Your Hair!

Relationships Basics

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.

Go to the Relationships Basics page for more on Relationships including: