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Don't have children if your life's purpose is to dwell in complete stillness, serenity and simplicity, or if you have a great dread of being interrupted: Read More
I feel compelled to point out
I feel compelled to point out that those of us who will not have children for whatever reason are not necessarily WITHOUT children in our lives. We can choose to be actively involved in the lives of our families' and/or neighbours' kids, acting as extra hands in emergencies, help out parents on a regular basis, be loving and responsible adults in kids' lives, and give and receive love. There is no prohibition on learning from children, nor on teaching them, nor on providing emotional and/or physical and/or financial care if the children are not our own. The nowadays popular concept that people who have not reproduced or adopted are somehow never involved in children's lives is utterly bizarre, and absolutely at odds with our historical roles - not to mention the reality for many of us.
So true
So well said, so important to say, and I agree totally.
Harriet Lerner
So, people who are childless
So, people who are childless or childfree have missed these most important lessons of life, huh? They "don't know what love is", right?
There is a great deal of prejudice against the childless/childfree. I was hoping for better from you.
to cj
My apologies, because I would also hope better from me. I know that every important life choice is a mixed bag. Thank you for your comment, and I regret the implication that not having children is in any way a "lesser' life path.
A Correction And A Comment
You claim:
>Americans have a constitutional right to the
>pursuit of happiness but this guarantee has
>always struck me as absurd.
The phrase, "pursuit of happiness" does NOT appear anywhere in the US Constitution. That document also doesn't grant you any rights or guarantees, but, rather, restricts the US federal government's impositions on the rights that people supposedly have just for existing.
The phrase, "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" appears in the Declaration Of Independence, which is a statement of general principles, and is NOT legally binding except for officially separating from Britain.
Secondly, I found the tone of your article to be condescending with its claim that, childfree people are somehow less emotionally complex or evolved. It also implies that we have empty, boring lives, and that we lack compassion.
But, that isn't surprising - it is the same tired old condescension of people who want to establish that, their standard, average, interpersonally-clingy life-path is somehow superior to those who actually think for ourselves. And that includes other areas besides just the children issue. It has applied to anything where someone perceived me to be more in control of my life than they were.
childless but emotionally evolved
Secondly, I found the tone of your article to be condescending with its claim that, childfree people are somehow less emotionally complex or evolved. It also implies that we have empty, boring lives, and that we lack compassion.
But, that isn't surprising - it is the same tired old condescension of people who want to establish that, their standard, average, interpersonally-clingy life-path is somehow superior to those who actually think for ourselves. And that includes other areas besides just the children issue. It has applied to anything where someone perceived me to be more in control of my life than they were.
Such a succinct response! Now I'll give a not-so-succinct one.
I am SO tired of people trying to justify the life-path they have taken by snubbing people who aren't interested in it (or people taking it as a personal affront that I don't want the same things for my life they do). The majority of my girlfriends from high school with children are melodramatic, immature people who are unhappy with their mates and bored with their lives - just like they were before they had kids. All of them are intelligent and college educated and I think the fact that they wound up stay at home moms doing nothing with this intellect only furthers their unhappiness. Not everyone takes the same things from parenting - not everyone grows into a better, more fulfilled, wiser person. I tend to find that people who push the "emotional" enhancements it will provide you are one of two types. The first type have a lot of financial and physical help, i.e. married women or women with local, available-to-help relatives who have middle-middle to upper-middle class lifestyles. They rarely have to deal with those frazzling moments that single and low income mothers have on a daily basis; they are an occasional inconvenience when the daycare/nanny/stay-at-home grandmother can't take care of the kid. Then the kids get to go to the best schools and live in the nicest areas and don't come home saying "c*nt" at 7 or get pregnant at 13. These parents think their kid whining about what type of sneakers they want is a "serious problem." The second type are people who are really deeply unhappy with their lifestyle and use the unconditional love their children provide them as a crutch for dealing with their dissatisfaction. "I MUST be happy in this lifestyle - my kids love is proof this was the right choice! Who cares about all those things I gave up in life to have them or if my mate doesn't make me happy. This is the CORRECT choice to make me a complete woman." The blanket love of a child is not a stand in for personal fulfillment, IMO, that can be found in many other arenas - education, hobbies, friendships, art, travel, etc. In short, it's shallow and silly to assume that what fulfills and enhances one person will do it for all.
choosing to be a mom
YOu know it is such a strong urge but the older I get the more I appreciate its difficulty and what a mixed bag it is. ANd I think I see that the fact that I have not had children at my ripe old age is not an accident but that my life is falling in place for me consistent with my values and who I am and what I am capable of. ANd yeah, I have learned all the things you mention without having children but I know having children would deepen my understanding of all those things, myself, my mom, and the universe--for better and for worse--marriage too. But I know my life seems to be working out fine --giving me what I am able to handle and not more than that. I am fine with wahtever happens--having kids or not--marraige etc. or not--I figure that is waht will fit me best. But I do love children so I am hoping to work with them and I support my friends who do have them!! They need support! Nice work, well-said as always.
choosing to be a mom
ANd I agree with you--raising children is the most difficult job, and I think the most important. After all it is we human beings who shape our experience and how we shape our children as a collective whole, not just individual parents, thus shapes our experience in life.
Not having children
I find it strange that no-one comments about whether it's good for the "child to be" if he/she is born ? It's allways about if it's good for "us" parents to have a child.
Living is 8 hours hard work and maybe 2 hours of fun per day -most of the world is poor and suffering. Future generations will suffer more than us as we continue messing up the world.
I don't want to be responsible and take the risk of putting another life on earth for whom I can not guarantee a good life - and 90% of us can't give that guarantee.
I thought I was the only one
Still just a junior in high school. I can't see myself rightfully bringing a child into this world. I view life as a meaningless waste of time- with odds and ends to fill it in (we are born, we eventually die; "life" is essentially pointless). By no means do I suffer "depression" (anyone who says I am [or anyone for that matter] is selling something), life genuinely sucks. There is disease, deadlines, responsibility, harassment, etc. etc. I could go on, but that list is covered entirely by just saying life. As long as there are people on this Earth, I will say no to life. I'm not saying that people need to stop being racist or whatever. I am saying that so long as responsibility is tied with life, that is a fate I would never wish upon the pitifullest of creatures.
I am well aware that by my refusal to continue my gene path, (perhaps my child would be different, or I shall be doomed to become less than superb in grades [rank 10 out of 516 students, and I still point fingers at certain teachers]) I will be starving the world of one more smart person. I however, am smart enough to know that my decision... well... is quite smart.
Bull S***
Reading the prejudice in this article against the childfree is unnerving. This will keep communication lines CLOSED and the childfree quite which is what I'm guessing you want.
It never ceases to amaze me that the breeders judge the childfree and maintain a holier than thou attitude which the the biggest ignorance of all. You can't truly evolve emotionally unless you have pushed a baby of your vagina.
Please educate yourself.
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