When anxiety hits, we all withdraw from the people we find difficult. When I got sufficiently uncomfortable in my own workplace, I stayed in my office, shut the door, and tried to speak to those difficult folks only when absolutely necessary.
So what's wrong with that? We do need to protect ourselves when the feelings evoked by connecting are unmanageable or simply too painful. Withdrawal does relieve anxiety and intensity. The flight response (like the fight response) is wired into us for good reason.
But here's the problem with distancing: Other people's misperceptions about you will only harden if you avoid showing your face.
The more you distance from people in your work group, the more you will become the target of other people's inaccurate perceptions and gossip. You will carry more underground tension in the long run if you avoid the short-term anxiety that is evoked by making some contact.
My advice? Hang out rather than hide out.
You need to define your membership in your organization by staying connected to key people and by attending important events. Show up at events, office parties, and informal gatherings around the coffee pot. Look people in the eye, smile, and say hello. Use humor, bantering and small talk to lower the tension with difficult people. Try to move toward the person who is most critical of you, show some interest in his work and ideas, and give the difficult person credit for good qualities they have.
Temporary distance is crucial, especially when we need to calm down, think, and make a plan. Just don't let it get entrenched. Every workplace is looking for someone to dump their anxiety on, so don't raise your hand and volunteer for the job by becoming a screen for other people's projections.
Try to make regular contact and engage in bantering and small talk during calm times. When a crises comes you'll have a better chance being heard.
For more advice on staying sane in your crazy workplace, see The Dance of Connection.
