Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is best known for her work on marital and family relationships and the psychology of women. Her books include The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Fear.See full bio
Over coffee with friends recently, the conversation turned to embarrassing moments. The story I told involved a pair of underpants creeping out one leg of my jeans and onto a busy street in Lawrence, Kansas.
Whatever your emotional vocabulary, no one signs up for anxiety, fear, or for any difficult, uncomfortable emotion. But we can't avoid these feelings, either. Read More
If you are reading this now, you are not a cat and never will be. So along with the good days, you're going to experience the entire range of painful emotions that make us human. Read More
Some years back I went to a two-week spiritual retreat in Arizona, which included two days of fasting and practicing total silence alone in the desert. Afterwards, we sat in a circle and each person told a story from his or her experience.
Sometimes I encourage my clients to engage in creative acts of pretending, not to run from the truth, but rather to discover new truths. Pretending joy or happiness can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Read More
What happens if a couple remains other-focused over time? She continues to insist that the only way the relationship will improve is for him to become more responsible. He insists that instead she must become less critical and more sensitive to his needs. What happens is that no change will occur.
A psychology colleague tells me about her therapy client who has "chosen" to get breast cancer as a way of protesting a bad marriage she hasn't the courage to leave. I cannot disagree more. Read More
When I was sixteen my best friend dropped me for another girl because I wasn't "deep" enough for her. I felt devastated, my confidence crushed. Here's my advice about friendship: Read More
Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.