They practically held their breath till the admissions letters began coming in. To their amazement and great pleasure, he was accepted by two of the four (yes, only four) schools to which he had applied.

And then he changed his mind yet again. "I just don't understand him. Now he's saying that he doesn't know if he wants to go to any of them. He thinks he should take a year off," Charles said. "Why? What's his problem? And what do we do now?"

It is April. With the influx of college admissions letters I have been hearing numerous variations on this refrain. It might seem odd that acceptances sometimes create as much emotional havoc as rejections; but every year at this time, adolescents whose hard work has paid off with an acceptance to the school of their choice suddenly decide they have made a mistake.

I don't find this shift quite as surprising as many parents do. Nor do I necessarily see it as an unacceptable or disturbing change of direction. Apparently neither do many universities, since they often will defer an admission for a year if a student provides a solid plan for what they are going to be doing during the time off. There is now an almost institutionalized concept of a "gap year" for this very purpose. Within this framework, young people find jobs or do volunteer work or other structured activity for the period before beginning school. They do not, of course, simply get an extended vacation.

Yet on one level, perhaps what they really need is some time off. Because one of the reasons for this sudden putting on the brakes is that these youngsters have spent at least the past four years, and often the past twelve, focusing on getting into a good college. While some are ready to take the next step in this process, others, having succeeded in the assigned task, want some time to see what life is like without that worry hanging over their heads. And others become panicked - what will motivate them now? What purpose is there to life once you've accomplished your primary goal?

I once saw a poster with a baby chick, obviously exhausted from the work of breaking out of its shell, looking around in confusion. The caption was, "Now what?" It's an image that perfectly captures the feeling of many young people when they get their admissions letters.

Parents can help by not over-reacting to this very normal response. Remembering times when we have been in similar situations can be useful. Charles, for example, worked in a field with many high-pressure assignments. When I asked him about his own experiences after achieving a hard-fought goal said, "Oh man. Every time a project is finished, everyone who was working on it gets depressed. Not permanently of course. But there's always a letdown after you put a lot of effort into something and actually get it done. And then - oh, I hadn't thought about this at all - then you always question whether you did it right, or whether it was worth all the work."

He shared this insight with his son, who, he told me later, relaxed in front of his eyes as he was speaking. "I felt so bad. It was like it was the first time in ages that I had talked to him without pressuring or pushing or demanding something from him.

Shortly after this conversation, they had another one, this time initiated by his son. The young man explained that he was very grateful for what his dad had told him. "I don't feel like I'm a crazy person or a bad kid now," he said. But he went on to explain that while Charles' story had helped him think more about why he felt some doubts about his decision, it had also helped him realize that he had been more focused on the goal of getting into a good school than on what he wanted to do next.

He said that he felt that he had been working very hard and needed some time to learn a little bit about who he was and what life was about. "I could go to college and coast through my freshman year," he explained. "But that's not what I want to do. When I do go, I want to be able to work at it. I don't want to slack off like I did for most of my education."

Charles and his wife have agreed that their son's argument for a gap year is reasonable, but they have asked him to take some time to make a final decision. They have also asked him to come up with specific alternative plans for the year. "For the first time," Charles told me, "I feel like we're dealing with a mature young person. It's a discussion, and we have some definite guidelines and expectations. But it is helpful to remember that what he's experiencing is a normal part of any creative process; it's not just that he's being defiant."

Not every high school senior decides not to go to college once he or she has been accepted, of course. But odd reactions are not at all unusual and often they're not so odd at all. Variations on the normal psychological "down" at the end of any project are common, although they may appear in different ways. Parents, guidance counselors, teachers, and other adults need to recognize that many factors are involved in any youngster's response to these letters. Validating these issues makes it a lot easier for everyone to figure out what comes next: the first step of the rest of their lives.

*Names and identifying information have been changed on all clients in this blog in order to protect the privacy of families and individuals.