The Career Within You

Finding the perfect job for your personality

Compliments, Insults, and Other Challenges

When a woman says something deprecating about her body, her friends are likely to lie and say she looks fine to them, and then to say something bad about their own bodies in order to maintain the friendship as equals. Read More

I also have a friend who

I also have a friend who smiles at me so long that I feel I am forced to smile, and I also have experienced conflict about this and feel the same. How can I be true to myself if I dont feel like smiling? I am feeling sad about something. It really is both annoying and disconcerting to me.
What it tells me is that she isn't concerned about me but only herself. Otherwise, she would change her expression and inquire into how I felt.
It feels similar to those popular 'Just be positive, fake it to you make it, dont worry be happy' posts on Facebook which come across to me as not facing reality but wanting to cover it up in order to try to induce automatic good feelings.

Reply to Anonymous

Thank you for your comment and pointing out that this is about not facing reality. Happy posts that seem to cover up reality are annoying to me, too. Being myself must include balance. I feel I'm being regarded as less than half of who I am when people are overly positive.

overly positive comments

"I feel I'm being regarded as less than half of who I am when people are overly positive."
I appreciate your comment, Elizabeth. It's the kind of thing that I've been working on in my "Living the Truth" series in TalkJournal for the EANT. "Overly positive" is not just about gilding the lily, it's also about denying that the lily will fade, go to seed, and decay. Part of the truth is that the "negative" truth about ourselves is there for us to embrace, not to distance ourselves from. It's the path that we need to take as we make our u are34contribution.
So I'd say that we're not just being regarded as less than half of who we are (I'd give my right arm to be less than half of what you are). I think we're being diminished. Time for us to say with jack Canfield, "Cancel."


Thank you, Russell. Yes, this sort of thing is diminishing. A good way to put it. And thanks for the complement.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • You may quote other posts using [quote] tags.

More information about formatting options

Elizabeth Wagele is the co-author with Ingrid Stabb of The Career Within You: How to Find the Perfect Job for Your Personality.


Subscribe to The Career Within You

Current Issue

Just Say It

When and how should we open up to loved ones?