Steeping oneself in the Enneagram builds tolerance, acceptance, and
understanding of those whose attitudes and ways of life differ from ours. It works through observation, contemplation, and by discussing things about one another that matter: why we think we do what we do, how we feel about our behaviors, what we learn from our experiences. We try to bring out certain parts of ourselves we think will make us more complete. Exactly how the Enneagram works may be too complicated to fully understand, but it's clear that in trying to see other points of view, we become more sensitive to injustices.
So I was happy to see a documentary movie on PBS recently about parents' reactions to finding out their children were gay called "Anybody and Everybody" by Susan Polis Schultz. In it, families across the country from such diverse backgrounds as Japanese, Bolivian, and Cherokee, and from various religious denominations such as Mormon, Jewish, Roman Catholic, Hindu, and Southern Baptist discuss their experiences. There have been quite a few movies about gay issues, but this may be the first dealing primarily with the parents-and, unlike my cartoon up there, the reactions they've chosen to include are mostly positive ones, which was inspiring to me. This movie is a resource to keep in mind if you are a gay person facing the prospect of telling your parents or if you know of a family anticipating a similar situation. (Up to 26% of gay teens that come out to their parents or guardians are told they must leave home.)
The parents in the film worry about their sons and daughters being harmed, dealing with not being accepted by relatives or friends, and being ostracized by religious congregations. "It was so evil and so bad that we almost couldn't talk about it... You just had the idea it was so terrible that it was unspeakable," said a Mormon mother in the film-my favorite interviewee. "Having heard all these awful things and what homosexuality was and then having a member of your family, a person that you have seen, a child that you have seen since the child was born, a person that was absolutely wholesome, good, kind, gentle and that put together with the word lesbian didn't add up," said a Hispanic mother. Literature for the documentary states: "Of the approximately 1.6 million homeless American youth, 20-40% identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. Nearly 40% of GLBT students report being physically harassed. In a 2001 Department of Health study of youth in Massachusetts, about 40 percent of gay and lesbian students attempted suicide, compared to about 10 percent of their heterosexual peers."
When my friend, John Herlin, learned he had AIDS, he was about 45 years old. Longtime gay friends abandoned him out of fear and his dentist, who was also a friend, refused to treat him. He was pretty sure his mother would react badly if he told her he was gay so he kept putting it off. I would say, "Don't you want to give her a chance to show kindness to you through your illness?" and he agreed with me but he still couldn't bring himself to tell her. Finally when he knew he had a short time to live he got up the nerve. Her first response was, "And I can't tell my neighbors!" As he had expected, her reaction hurt him terribly. She might have been a good candidate to show "Anyone and Everyone" to before it was too late.
