The Business Coach

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Dr. Steven Berglas is an executive coach and management consultant who as a faculty member of Harvard Medical School's department of Psychiatry for over 30 years, specialized in the treatment of narcissistic disorders. See full bio

July 16, 2008, Happiness

The Burden of Being A-Rod

What's so good about being #1?

While watching Major League Baseball’s All-Star game last Tuesday I was awash in conflicting feelings: Holding my 7-year-old son and describing the workings of the game to him while telling him about my visits to Yankee Stadium and memories I had of watching some of the Old-Timers who were honored Tuesday night, was a pure joy. Recalling how my dad and I bonded at Yankee Stadium and missing him was bittersweet. Oddly, however, after nearly 5 hours of baseball, the feeling I was left with was sorrow for the plight of Alex Rodriguez, the MVP third baseman for the Yankees who happens to be the highest paid man in baseball. It wasn’t Rodriguez’s performance that got to me –so few players have truly “all star” showings in these games—it was the fact that there was a 2-ton monkey on his back before, during, and after the game.

For those of you who spent the last month in Katmandu, Alex Rodriguez is starring in the second celebrity divorce (after Christy Brinkley’s) being featured this summer in the tabloids and on cable TV. Sick of his womanizing, A-Rod’s wife filed for divorce. Moreover, the soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Rodriguez has told the world that A-Rod’s “involvement” with Madonna (not Our Lady of Fatima; the other one), is the straw that broke her once-tolerant back.

To his credit, when questioned about Madonna before the All Star game, A-Rod fielded the questions with all the grace and style he exudes in the Yankee infield: "Look, everyone has distractions, everyone goes through personal issues…mine are on the front page of the papers." While his articulated position on the “gift and the curse of sports stardom” was simple, succinct, and psychologically grounded, as A-Rod made his statement (and in other interviews), you could see pain in his face. While I may be reading way to much into Rodriguez’s face (which I have only seen once in person), I would bet all the money I have that he wanted to scream, “Can’t I just love and hate like a ‘normal guy’ once in a while?”

The answer is a resounding “NO,” which is why life at the top is often so traumatic for those who succeed. It’s not that paparazzi and tabloid reporters stalk their every move, but the fact that the successful are expected to be “different” than normal folk in relationships poses their greatest hardship.

In his world-famous Interpretation of Dreams, Sigmund Fred remarked:

“An intimate friend and a hated enemy have always been indispensable to my emotional life; I have always been able to create them anew, and not infrequently my childish ideal has been so closely approached that friend and enemy have coincided in the same person; but not simultaneously, of course, as was the case in my early childhood.” (from, Jones, E. (1953). The life and work of Sigmund Freud (Vols. 1-3). New York: Basic Books, p. 8-9).

Successful people are damned by the fact that when in conflict with others it is assumed that they –not their antagonists—should be the first to “turn the other cheek” since they have “so much going for them.” The right to having intimate friends is hampered for those who succeed because after you have status that affords you a wealth of privileges and rewards not readily available to others, it is almost impossible to feel certain that people care for you because of who you are, as opposed to clinging to you sycophantically because of what you can do for them.

So ask yourself: What’s so good about being #1 if you cannot have the passionate relationships (loving and hating) that are presumably so central to a healthy emotional life?