Obviously much better this time. If we go to school together, are in the same classes, and I always treat you this way, you may even become my friend even though you hate gays. And you may even end up thinking, “Well, maybe gays aren’t that bad after all.” So why do I need the government’s help with this? I can turn you into a less prejudiced person all by myself if I give you Freedom of Speech and treat you like a friend.

Scenario Number Three: I suspect that I am gay, and I look gay. However, I'm not ready to "come out." The idea that I may be gay disturbs me and I don’t want to admit that I am unsure about my sexual orientation.

You: You are soooo gay!
Me: No, I’m not!
You: Yes, you are! It is so obvious!
Me: No it’s not! And I’m not gay!
You: Man, you really have blinders. Haven’t you looked in the mirror? It is so obvious that you are gay!
Me: I am not gay! Stop saying that I look gay!
You: But it’s so obvious that you are! You know, you are going to be the last person in the world to know that you are gay!
Me: No I won’t! Because I’m not!
You: Oh, my God! You are so clueless! Everyone knows you are gay.
Me: No, I’m not!

This, of course, gets me nowhere. Now I’ll do it the better way.

You: You are soooo gay!
Me: Why do you say that?
You: Because you look gay. It’s so obvious. Look in the mirror.
Me: You know what? You are not the first person who told me they think I’m gay.
You: Duh! If it has feathers, isn’t it a bird?
Me: I know I’m not the most macho guy in the world.
You: You can say that again!
Me: So you actually think I’m gay?
You: Yes. Aren’t you?
Me: No. But I know that some people think I am.
You: Yes, they do!
Me: Yes, they do.

It pretty much fizzles out here, and you will leave me alone. You will stop trying to torment me by calling me gay because it doesn’t bother me. And you will respect me more because I am showing you respect, and I am not making a fool out of myself.

Scenario Number Four: I’m not gay, but you are going to tell me you heard a rumor that I am.

You: You know, Johnny said that you’re gay! He said he saw you kissing another guy!
Me: No I didn’t!
You: Johnny doesn’t lie. You’re gay!
Me: No, I’m not!
You: Don’t try to deny it! You were kissing a guy, and that means you are gay!
Me: I’m not gay! And I don’t kiss guys!
You (in a sing-song voice): Hah, hah! Izzy i-is ga-ay, Izzy i-is ga-ay!
Me: Shut your mouth! I am not gay!
You (singing): Yes, you-ou a-are! You a-are ga-ay! Izzy is a faggot! Ha, ha ha ha ha!
Me: Shut your mouth!!!

Of course I’m a big loser here and you are going to keep on tormenting me. Now we’ll do it again.

You: You know, Johnny said that you’re gay! He said he saw you kissing another guy!
Me: Do you believe him?
You: Yes!
Me: If you want to believe him, I can’t stop you.
You: No, you can’t.
Me: That’s right. I can’t.

And that’s usually where it ends.

When you come to tell me this rumor, you want to see me defending myself. But it’s a trap. I automatically lose by defending myself because it is the weaker position. Since all living creatures are programmed to try to win, you are going to keep on attacking me with this rumor to get me to defend myself.

So the second time, instead of defending myself from the rumor, I turned the tables on you. I made you defend yourself by asking you, “Do you believe it?” Now you have to decide if you want to acknowledge believing a rumor about me. If you say you believe it, I say, “You can believe it if you want,” and I come out being the winner. And if you say you don’t believe it, I also win. So don’t defend yourself from rumors. Just ask the person, “Do you believe it?” and you come out being the winner.

Scenario Number Five: I’m not gay, and you come to tell me that other people are spreading a rumor that I am.

You: You know, everyone is saying that you’re gay!
Me: I can’t believe it! Who’s saying it?
You: Everybody! The whole school is saying that you’re gay!
Me: That’s terrible! You have to tell them it’s not true!
You: How do I know it isn’t? If everyone’s saying it, it must be true!
Me: It’s not true! I swear it! I am not gay! You have to tell them to stop!
You: I can’t make them stop. There are too many of them. Anyway, how do I know it’s not true?
Me: I swear I am not gay! You have to help me stop them from saying it! How can I come to school if everyone thinks I’m gay?

This is obviously not working. Now we’ll do it again, and I’ll use Freedom of Speech.

You: You know, everyone is saying that you’re gay!
Me: Really? That’s what they’re saying?
You: Yes. That’s the word going around the whole school!
Me: Well, if they want to say it, I can’t stop them.
You: But how can you let them get away with it? You can’t let everyone call you gay!
Me: I can’t stop them. People have a right to say whatever they want.
You: You mean it doesn’t bother you that everyone’s saying you’re gay?
Me: I’d rather they didn’t, but if they want to do it, I can’t stop them.
You: Dude, you’re weird! But you’re cool!
Me: Thanks.

Scenario Number Six: I’m gay and I’ve “come out.” You come to tell me that you heard I’m gay.

You: You know, I heard you’re gay!
Me: Yes, I am, and I’m proud of it!
You: Wow, you’re a faggot!
Me: Don’t call me a faggot! The word is gay!
You: I can’t believe it! You really are a faggot! You’re a freak!
Me: The word is gay! And I’m not a freak!
You: Yes, you are! All gays are freaks!
Me: We are not freaks! There is nothing wrong with being gay!
You: Yes there is! Everyone knows that gays are freaks!
Me: No, we’re not! Shut your mouth!

Again, I’m a big loser. You are going to keep on tormenting me, and you are not going to have respect either for me or for gay people in general. This time I’ll handle it better.

You: You know, I heard you’re gay!
Me: Oh! You just found out?
You: Yes! You mean you actually are gay?
Me: Yes. I thought everyone knew.
You: Well, I didn’t.
Me: So now you know, too.
[The situation could end here. I may also want to use the opportunity for a “teaching moment,” so I’ll ask you:] How do you feel about gays?
You: I think they’re freaks.
Me: A lot of people do. Why do you think we are freaks?
You: It’s gross! Guys “doing it” with guys! You are supposed to “do it” with girls.
Me: Well, it works that way for most people, but not if you’re gay.
You: It really grosses me out thinking about two guys “doing it” with each other.
Me: Well, that’s exactly the way I feel when I think of a guy and a girl “doing it” together.
You: You do?
Me: Yep!
You: Boy, you’re weird!
Me: To straight people, gays seem weird.
You: They sure do.
Me: And to us, straight people seem weird.
You: Boy, it’s a strange world!
Me: It sure is!

So you see, by treating you like a friend and giving you Freedom of Speech, you will end up having more respect and understanding for both my group and myself, and you may end up becoming my friend. And you will certainly stop trying to torment me for being gay because your efforts to torment me won’t work.

Scenario Number Seven: Young kids calling each other gay.

This is the final scenario I’ll be presenting here. Young kids today also use gay as an insult. They may not know their own true sexual orientation yet, and they may not even know the sexual meaning of the word “gay.”

You: You are sooo gay!
Me: No, I’m not!
You: Yes, you are!
Me: Stop calling me gay! I am not gay!
You: Yes you are:
Me: No, I’m not! Stop calling me gay!
You: Gay gay gay gay gay!
Me: Stop it!
You: Gay gay gay gay gay!
Me: Stop!!!

I’m a big loser this way. We’ll do it again and I’ll treat you like a friend.