The Bonus Years of Adulthood

Exploring the Newest Stage of the Life-Cycle

Maggie Scarf, author and journalist, is a Fellow of Jonathan Edwards College, Yale. Her latest book is September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years. See full bio

January 12, 2009, Relationships

Comments on "Remarriage Is More Fragile Than First Marriage"

Remarriage Is More Fragile Than First Marriage

By Maggie Scarf on January 12, 2009 in The Bonus Years of Adulthood

Are later marriages generally more successful and stable than first-time marriages? And, given that most remarriages (some 90 percent) follow upon divorce rather than death, do the disaffected ex-partners tend to make smarter, more mutually satisfying choices in a second or higher-order relationship? Read More

i think divorce is becoming

Submitted by farouk on January 13, 2009 - 3:51am.

i think divorce is becoming a part of the united states a culture instead of being a phenomenon

makes sense

Submitted by Becky on January 13, 2009 - 8:42am.

This makes sense, given that many second marriages begin with a complexity not present in a first marriage ( relationships with ex spouses, child support, financial woes, step children, ect.). Once navigated, however, the benefit of increased age/life experience can not be understated. Meeting my soon to be second husband at age 30 vs. meeting my first husband at age 21 felt entirely different. At 21 I was not yet an adult. Some 21 year olds are. I was not. Now that I am a mature adult I can negotiate an adult relationship with ease. I have zero doubt this one will last forever.

fragility of remarriage

Submitted by Maggie Scarf on January 13, 2009 - 8:53am.

Yes,Becky, you sound like you made some big developmental steps between age 21 and age 30. Unfortunately, many people don't do that; they marry the same problem they had before, with the additional disadvantages that you laid out so clearly.
Maggie

Agreed

Submitted by Becky on January 13, 2009 - 12:56pm.

Sadly, I agree and I see it all of the time. I guess the key may be having enough room to grow personally despite an initial, unhappy relational pattern. The growth/work has to be done. For me, it happened before a second marriage, for others, it happens during those first 5 years of a second marriage, and for a large chunk, I guess it never happens at all and the pattern just repeats.

Remarriages

Submitted by David Taylor on January 16, 2009 - 11:08am.

Thanks for this information. I'm part of the Healthy Marriage- Healthy Families Coalition of Tarrant County. We are a group of nearly 90 different agencies, social service organization, businesses, and faith based organizations committed to supporting healthy marriages and other relationships in Tarrant County, Texas.

We have developed a newsletter and website (www.healthymarriagetc.org). We do not charge for any of our material, and our marriage and relationship workshops are free to the community. I'd like permission to either reprint or use excerpts from your article in an upcoming newsletter.

Thanks,
David